Thursday, March 12, 2009
I often think about the first six weeks of my relationship with Bill, and how he went away for a year after that. First, back to Newfoundland and six months later, to Texas for training, then Libya and Qatar to work as security for an Italian oilfield company. A long distance relationship frought with fear, longing and frustration! I think he came back to me because he knew I was right - we were meant to form a family and protect each other, and it's been proven over and over every single day since June 15th, 2004.
There was some kind of invisible thread that connected us physically when he was gone, even though he tried to deny it. (To this day he blushes and pats me on the knee whenever I point out that he was the only man to ever break up with me, lol)
And there was a psychic connection, too. I've written about this before on journalspace, it constantly surprises me because I used to think that Dale and I were very close. I used to think we could almost read each other's minds, but it has never been as strong as with Bill.
The first time it happened, he was still living in Calgary and Emily had just turned seven. We'd been dating for about a month, and it had been a "date" weekend, meaning that Jamie had stayed here and Em had spent the night before at his friend Sheena's. On Sunday evening, we were all laying about watching a movie and I was trying to decide if I should drive home early, or stay and drive home Monday morning, in time to open the store I was managing. I was on the futon and Bill was sitting in the armchair beside me. Em was curled up in his arms, and I remember thinking he should put her to bed and hold me, which he did a minute later.
That might sound like a coincidence, but there are so many incidents. If he is thinking about someone, I'll ask him how they are. If I want him to call me, my cell phone rings. If I see him without his glasses for a few days, I'll be wondering if he's misplaced them and he'll ask, "Have you seen my glasses?" The other night he set a bottle of Pepsi on the coffee table and I remember thinking ugh, he should just leave it on the floor so that it's not in my periphal and two seconds later he moved it.
I think it happens with many couples, they just don't notice it. In our case, I'm sure that the LDR increased our awareness.
Today I'm seeing Glenda, my therapist, for more EMDR. Hopefully that improves my muscle memory as well! She says that when you experience trauma repeatedly for years, your muscles "remember" during current stresses and that might have caused the right rotator cuff problem I had last year and the problems I'm having with my left bicep and shoulder muscles now. It'd be nice to live without pain!