Wednesday, March 18, 2009

dear dad

my favourite chair

I found this email in my hotmail account, and thought I'd share. A lot has transpired since then!

September 19, 2004

Dear Dad;

Things have happened very fast since you sent me that gift. Every day I'm actually in awe that I've been given this chance to start over, and I can't thank you enough.

I know that all these years, you may have thought that us kids only wanted to talk to you if we needed something, and boy did we feel guilty if we had to ask! I just wanted you to know that you've always been more than that to me. I adored you when I was little - and I've always regretted not being able to get closer to you as we got older.

It seemed as though things were going fine for awhile. We didn't always have much time for travel when we were working so much, and when we did have 4 or 5 days they were used for karate. Then Dale got sick, and started drinking, and many of my dreams died. Then after he died, and the life insurance was denied, I struggled financially. I financed a car with my widows benefit, and my rent and debts left over from my life with Dale took everything else. It seemed like there was going to be years and years of struggle to get back on my feet.

What you gave me wasn't just money - it was a whole new start. I paid off the balance of my car loan and credit cards, and applied for a mortgage. Thankfully, my credit rating had improved over the last few years, and it was accepted. Last week, I closed on a house in a newer area of town, and we moved in on Thursday. It took just about the entire amount that you gave me, but the mortgage payment will be doable for me on my salary and pension.

I've spent 2 nights in this house now, and each night before I went to sleep I've thought of all the things I wanted to say to you. I just can't believe how things have turned out - I went from always worrying about how I was going to give us a future, to actually realizing the dream of getting us a house. It's a bittersweet thing, doing this without Dale, and it's kinda lonely doing it myself - it'd be nice to be able to share it with someone. But given the fact that I'm almost 40, and my paycheque will go towards something other than rent, I'm grateful.

Thank you so much for thinking of us. Thanks for giving me a chance to start over. I hope that all is well with you and Ev, and that your health is still good. Talk to you soon;

Love Kathy


  1. Wow Kate, that was lovely. Firstly how great that your dad could help you out of a tight spot but more importantly I imagine this made a great difference to your relationship that you were able to share how much he meant to you. Are you closer now than you were?

  2. Hi Lou!
    Unfortunately, I haven't spoken to him since before I bought the house. I thought this letter might help, but he never called me again. He sees my little sister, who is his biological child (myself and my older brother are adopted) but not us.
    I was so hurt by his refusal to reply, that I haven't called him. He's 75 now.

  3. Geeze, I feel the same way about my dad. He bailed me out when my house burned down and I had nothing. In fact, I used the second pile of cash he sent me to get a lot of things done around the new house I moved in with the help of the first amount he sent me.
    What a neat story, glad you shared it!

  4. That's awful Kate. What a terrible loss for you and him and also for Em. At the risk of you thinking I am the big fat butt in type - it's been nearly 5 years...perhaps you could try again?

  5. Kate, heart wrenching, tearful story. Girl, you should write romance novels. Whenever you write like this I just wanna sit down with a drink and have a man-cry.

    Good grief.

    I agree with Lou, try again, but may I suggest instead of a letter, send a big card and some pictures of you, Bill and the kids. Perhaps, put a colored ribbon inside the card with a lock of your hair to remind him of your living physical presence?

    Just a thought. Crap, I gotta go find some tissue now. *sniff*

  6. I like Tim's suggestion. It's sad you've lost contact. {hugs}

  7. That is such a nice letter - I'm saddened to hear the story behind it

  8. That is beautiful Kate It has taken me a really long time to make peace with the fact that my Dad is never going to be the Dad I wish for. And I feel so grateful that there are Dads out there who do the right thing :)

  9. I hear you, sas. My Dad kept hurting me until the day I started saying, enough was enough. That was just last year.

  10. That's a lovely letter and very moving.
    With me it's my Mum who isn't in my life, through things she's done and my Dad who brought me up. It is hard to let go, so I'd agree with Lou maybe try again.

  11. That chair looks quite comfy!

    Ah, the letter. I wrote one too when I was 25 only it was to my mum. It did evoke emotion in her and it was a way to keep the door open only she chose to close it again. It felt good to tell her I loved her, missed her,.. at least I'll always have that.

    He's missing out on one hella good daughter, Kate.

  12. am i the only one who's infatuated with the chair and not the letter?

  13. I have never understood parents who disown their kids, and I never will.

    You tried, but you can't force it.