Change of any kind seems to stress me out to the max, but I'm having a hard time letting go of my current business. For the last two years I might not have been making much money, but I wasn't at the mercy of some idiotic district sales manager and I could write my own schedule. Now, even though I'm excited about earning a regular paycheque, I'm back to worrying about company expectations.
It's not just their expectations, but my own. I'm worried about my age and the dress code, I'm worried about being sent away for a month, I'm worried that Jamie won't find work, I'm worried that the bills won't get paid if I'm gone. I'm worried that Bill won't enforce Em's bedtime or her work chores if I'm not here. I'm worried I'll get fired in the first three months. I'm worried that they'll want me to work a lot of overtime, I'm worried I'll owe money to my old company for chargebacks after I leave, I'm worried about having to pay an extra month's rent on my office.
Anyway, all these things have been constantly going around and around and around in my mind, and today when the bank wouldn't deposit Bill's paycheque into my account so that I could make the truck payment and cover the cheque for Em's band camp, I could feel a freak out coming on, because he is about three and a half hours northwest of here and not getting home until tomorrow. They sent me from one branch to another, back to the first, over to the bank where his paycheque is drawn on, back to my own branch, then back to the other bank for a "bank draft" (because they don't "certify" funds) taking over three and a half hours of my time. In the end, he was able to stop in a town that has one our bank branches, and transfer funds.
Several times, I just couldn't stand it and had to sit in my truck and cry. On the way home, I was this close to buying a pack of cigarettes. Instead, I bought a pack of Captain Black Sweets, which are cigars made with pipe tobacco. I smoked one while I read a few journals, and my stomach (and my head) feels a bit better.
I know that I worry too much, and I'm working on it. Still, I think I could use a nap. Tomorrow will surely be better than today.
I'm not sure all those things qualify as "worrying too much." It'd be worse if you didn't stay on top of 'em.
ReplyDeleteHope you get some stress relief soon!
Feeling unsettled with change is normal....just don't let it control you.....
ReplyDeleteI'd say your worries are par for the course, Kate. Just don't let fear rule.
ReplyDeleteAfter a day of banking like you had, I'd be finding me a new bank. Dayum.
Ah, Capt. Black Sweets... Now that's damned sexy! Honestly.
I think both you and Bill should ditch THAT bank. I can't believe the runaround with this. Maggs
ReplyDeleteyou sure can take a lot! as a smoker, your day would have me looking like a walking chimney. hope Bill gives you a great massage!
ReplyDeleteHorrible day. Well done for staying off the smokes. In a few weeks you'll be through this and looking back wondering what you were stressed about.
ReplyDeleteAmazing will power you have Kate :). When the going gets tough, the tough gets going and thats what you are doing ;). Its ok to cry amid all these insane stress. It does help to destress and its not healthy to bottle up all the emotions.Hope everything settles down soon for you.As difficult as it may sound, when you are overwhelmed by fears and worries, try to make the best out of the situation by thinking about the positives.For example, if you are worried about your age and dress code, try to get around the idea that you might be an asset to your company because of your very age. You might have the experience and patience that others dont.Hope this helps.A big *hug* to you :).
ReplyDeleteHow frustrating! I'm glad that you didn't buy real smokes!
ReplyDeletebuying smokes will only increase your future bills! Good you stayed away rom them.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried on-line banking? I've been doing it since 1992 and have NEVER have problems with it. It is sooo convenient.
Much love Kate.
ReplyDeleteStay off the smokes you don't need them. As for the bank ditch it and find a new one with a lot less hassle.
ReplyDeleteI've had similar banking problems where if the computer says "NO" then the teller says there's nothing they can do about it.
ReplyDeleteBanks can be such a pain. Just two weeks ago I got some money out of my son's trust account for his house downpayment. I deposited against his line of credit - next thing he knows his entire line of credit was locked down for a week. You try to do something good and it made life miserable for him. I am so freaking sorry they did this to you. Of course you have so many things swirling with changes and a month away is huge but it could bring positive changes for the future.
ReplyDeleteI think bank's are just being really super careful now. Sounds like you had plenty of reason to worry. You are entitled to freak out and venting is almost always useful.
ReplyDeleteI hope today is better!
Believe it will all work out and it will. (Worry is an utter and complete waste of time. It's wasted energy. It creates undue stress for you and all around.)
ReplyDeleteSending positive thoughts your way.
SunTiger
P.S. I don't mean to sound flippant.You know, your training in sales, that if you keep your eye on that positive goal you'll be much more successful. (Looking at potential negatives only creates dismay and failure.)
ReplyDeleteThanks everybody!
ReplyDeleteBill's account is a business account, left over from his eavestroughing days. Once we change that, it'll be easier.
I think Alianna is right - I was ready to let some steam off and it almost always works like that. Something sends me over the top and I freak out, then I'm good for awhile.