Saturday, March 28, 2009


I saw this discussion in an old Cosmo magazine.

Do you think that people of both sexes fantasize about other people while they are making love with their partner?

If you do, do you think this is natural, or a form of betrayal?

Do you think it's more common for men, or for women?

Please discuss. I'll be back in a bit!


  1. I have done this in past relationships and it is usually a sign that something is not right. It's like I am not 'present' and then it's not a shared experience. So maybe it is a betrayal of sorts?
    One of the things I love about Science Guy is that feeling of us both connecting and being very there with each other. I think this is why the sex is so good and why I feel closer to him than I have with anyone else.

  2. I was so "into" sex with Rachel, my ex-wife, that I never thought of anyone else. Interesting question though. I did think of others when self gratifying though.

  3. As my powers of imagination aren't particularly great, I try to convince my partners to wear masks

  4. Lerm, the masks aren't by any chance those ones of Richard Nixon?

  5. Never imagine someone else in place of my lovers...but I sometimes imagine someone in addition to them...when self-satisfying, I am like Andrew.

  6. sas - I think that when you constantly think f someone else, your relationship is in trouble. Seems to me, this happened a lot with my daughter's dad. (LONG time ago)

    Andrew - I think it's a good sign when you don't feel the need to overly fantasize.

    Lerm - that reminded me of Married with Children (old TV show) where Al wanted Peg to wear a blonde wig, lol

    MM - lol!

    Teri - that would make things more interesting!

  7. I think it is completely natural and should never be considered betrayal of any kind. A healthy sexual imagination makes us better lovers. I don't believe you are any less present during love making if you are fantasizing.

  8. That was interesting. Seeing somebody elses name beside my comment. Kellys comment is my comment ...Kelly was using my computer the other day and apparently didn't sign out of her google account.

  9. I don't think I have ever done that. It seems like muli-tasking, and I get enough of that in general life! Sex is one thing that I like to totally give myself to and not think too much!

    I have in the past occasionally dreamed during sleep of having sex with someone else. Usually people I have no inclination consciously to have sex with...but that is a whole other topic.

    Don't know if its cheating, but it is a sign of problems.

  10. Hmmm I've forgotten what making love is...

    In the past, I was normally so in tune with my partner and what was going on that I was usually lost in that moment. No room for "guests"!

    I reckon that it all depends on how open and secure one is if it is viewed as a form of betrayal.

    With age comes wisdom... sometimes.

  11. I can't remember what I did when in relationships - too long ago. In sex since then I have hard enough time remembering the name of guy I'm with to think about anyone else :-) Lerm's comment made me cackle and I do recall the Married with Childen episode you're talking about. Funny.

  12. Once upon a time, when my wife still dressed and acted feminine, no, I never needed to fantasize about another woman during our love making.

    However, once she became a tom-boy and gave up doing any feminine things, the only way I could orgasm during sex with her was to fantasize about other women. (That's the problem with marrying someone whom you do not love romantically.)

    In my opinion, it is a sign of a serious relationship problem. Your lover should be your focus and no one else during love making. I mean, isn't that the whole point of love making, to melt into another human's body and become one with it? To lust, crave and desire that one other person? To need their touch, to taste their flesh, to need to touch them?

    If I am going to fantasize about a woman down the street or a sexy online female acquaintance when having sex, then it is almost better to masturbate.

    I cannot speak for other men, but when the mood strikes me, as it often does in my current situation, I cannot sleep, I get the shakes, my whole body feels as if on pins and needles. I am cranky and irritable. Every time I close my eyes to sleep, I do so thinking of some lovely, sweet woman, and it's usually the same one every night. So, I do not want to waste my time fantasizing. I want to be with a woman I care for and desire completely. Two halves becoming one, and no real or imagined mental images shall come between us.

    Whoa, I apologize. It's been a very long time.

  13. I'm a simple man, one woman at a time. Can't really imagine why I would be thinking about someone else at that moment. I'm too busy being happy.

    I don't think those that can pull it off are cheating, there may be reasons to think about someone else at that moment, but I can't think of any.

    And I wanted to thank you for stopping by my comedy blog. I've started wondering when I post, will Kate like this one. LOL.

    The down turn in the economy has me so bummed that I don't even have the energy to post as much as I used to.

    But I'm sure you remember that at JS I would go periods without posting.

  14. yes, I have thought of others and it is not necessarily a sign that something is amiss. At times I'm not really "in the mood" and having the mind wander can make it still fun and exciting for both.
    With my ex, though, thinking of others was needed for hiding my lack of interest....

  15. I guess its like masturbation
    not healthy
    but debatable

  16. Some do and some don't.
    I would bet that both men and women are about equal in that regard.

  17. Speaking for myself, I have never once in my two marriages, nor with any of my boyfriends, thought of another one, while making love, pre-love, or after-love.

  18. OOPS! That comment I made up there sounds fishy! lol.

    I had a few boyfriends *after* my two marriages ended, but not while I was married!

  19. Cathy - I think that it's natural for many people. I can't say I've done it for some time, but that's because I have such a connection with Bill.

    Carla - multi-tasking!! That made me LOL and almost spit my coffee out, lol.

    Tim - you made reference to what Bill and I were talking about the other day. I've seen it referred to on JS as well - Spank Bank. I think most people have one, either to use it alone or when you're with someone. An image, a person, that sends you over the edge.

    Fitz - you're welcome! I think that Bill said something similar to you, about being too busy being happy.

    Louise - I remember those days. You never wanted to call out "hey you", lol

    Dorrie - it's a good way to rev things up.

    Pastor Larry - I agree with you. I think both sexes do it from time to time.

    Judy - LOL. I know what you mean. Have a good Sunday!

  20. I've never done that- with Marcel. I think it depends on the relationship.. I don't find the need to fanticize, when we are together my focus is on him and him alone.

  21. Spank Bank? Okay, I can dig that. I also agree with the phraseology. Funny, now that I think about it, my spank bank has always been quite limited.

    I'd say since the age of 13, I've only had about, oh, 5 total go-to women in my bank. Maybe less. All are women I've known personally. Most are older than me.

    For a Fugly dude, I'm pretty particular and loyal it seems. Where the heck do I get the nerve!?! LOL

  22. I can't remember if I fantasized about anyone during sex. Been too long.