more on the work front

alberta grain elevator, origin unknown

This is just a quick entry to say hello. We've got to buy a cellphone for Bill today, just so that I can contact him when he's at work. We're also making copies of Bill's resume so that tomorrow, he can start applying for a new job.

Then I have to start looking for another part time job in earnest. Lately I've been waiting for the job to come to me, but then again we've been so busy! With the people visiting and the birthdays and Mother's days, housework and yardwork, there doesn't seem like there is enough to time to work another job, but there must be something.

Thank goodness for GST Rebates! Since we hadn't filed our taxes for two years, we'll be getting it all at once, which will pay for Em's summer camp and a swimming pass for the sports centre across the road. As long as we can keep her busy, that's half the battle!

Have a nice Sunday.

underhanded

image by Steve Castle

A few days ago Bill was moving some vehicles using a spotter, but something went wrong and there was dent made in another truck. This was terrible because that same truck has been dented twice before in the last year, by two other employees, each time inflicting damage totalling $2,000 or more.

We know that this company has been looking for ways to save money on wage cost, so it was no surprise when Bill was called into Nick's office this afternoon. What was a surprise though, is when he took back Bill's raise last year - $10,000, effective next Friday. The guy actually started the meeting by saying that no one had apologized for the damaged truck, and then took away his raise. Pricks!

It wasn't just that, either. They've been complaining about everyone using their cell phones, but with the kids and our work, we need to stay in touch during the day - sometimes we have to talk about where Em is, or sometimes I need his advice about the house or the truck. Anyway, we compromised and starting texting each other and on his lunch break, he'd call me back. Now he's not allowed to call me or text me, which seems so petty it must be a bid to get him to quit.

This is a terrible blow considering the financial burdens we've had this year! He'll spend the next few weeks looking for something different - and I hope the competition hires him.

envy

photographer unknown

Yesterday as I was driving through the neighbourhood, I noticed a group of teenagers hanging out on the front lawn of someone's home. By the time I'd driven by, a girl in bermuda shorts had successfully leaped onto a boys back, and the two of them laughed as they stumbled across the yard and tried to keep their balance.

It was the first time in my life that I'd been truly envious of youth. I have been both wistful and resigned, but I don't recall feeling envious before. If I had, I might have thrown on a great pair of jeans, some killer heels, and gone dancing, but that was five years ago.

Yesterday, I drove on to Wal-mart to pick up the spiky bedding plants I needed. This morning as I was showering, I remembered what it felt like to be seventeen - the flawless skin, the big bright eyes, breasts that look awesome with or without a bra.

It's not that I want to relive my youth. In fact, you couldn't make me, if that meant I'd have to make all the same mistakes. However, there would be a moment where I wouldn't think of it that way. There'd be a moment where I considered how I am at forty-four, with aching muscles and frozen joints and I'd remember all those summers I worked at the lake. Back then, my body was so much stronger and pain didn't play into the day at all.

I wouldn't go back, but today I wish someone had taken video of me back then, just so that my kids could see what I was like.

I was something else.

may flowers

photographer unknown

It's been very busy these last few weeks! We've been taking care of the house and the yard, which has included lots of trips to the garden center, Wal-mart and Home Depot. And, even though many of you have had your shrubs and plants up for weeks, we're just starting to see life come from ours (that snow storm slowed everything up!)

The most tiring thing I've done this week was yesterday - we hired a furnace & duct cleaning company, and his huge noisy truck sat in front of the house for three hours. Every hot and cold vent was done, so I spent most of the day re-arranging furniture, sweeping and cleaning. I made a pot roast while he was here, so that we could have hot beef sandwiches when Bill got home, and after that we had to buy furnace filters, and get Em a pair of black pants for band tonight.

In between everything, I am still watching Six Feet Under - I think I'm on Season Four, Episode three. I'm pretty sure I won't watch any regular TV until it's finished. I'm also getting some paperwork done on the insurance side, and picking up a few extra shifts at the clothing store.

Well, I am off to drive Em to her Track Meet. She's competing in javelin, long jump and high jump. I'm sure she'll be great!

Happy Hump Day!

::grumble::

Have you ever wondered how cell phone companies keep ripping off the general public without having to answer for it? I've had a contract with one of the biggest wireless providers in Canada for three years, and that three years has been frought with ups and downs. First, there is no way I will ever understand how a $30 monthly plan can be jacked up to $200.00.

There are so many different fees you'd think it was an American hospital - connection fees, 911 fees, over minute fees, texting fees. If you're on the wrong plan and want to change it, they extend your contract by a year and don't disclose it until your next call, which is such an exercise in frustration that you end up in tears. So you don't call because you know it'll be a 45 minute wait and you'll be taken advantage of in some way but when the bill comes and it's $150.00 more than you thought it'd be, you're screwed.

If these huge companies wanted to really help stimulate the economy, they'd all drop their bull shit long enough for people to get back on their feet. One of these days, I'm going to be part of a huge class action lawsuit.

margaritaville

Bill had a margarita AND some cabbage rolls ready for me when I got home from work. It should be an excellent evening!

Happy Saturday.

my life was changed forever

Halloween 2006

Today is the fifth anniversary of the day I met Bill!

I'd come across his profile on Hot or Not a few days before, clicked on the little "Meet Me" button and the rest is history.

We've fit a LOT into five years!

The first year, he was away working and we were in a LDR.

The second year, he came back but moved to Calgary and we drove back and forth every weekend.

The third year, he moved in and we got custody of Em.

The fourth year, we got married.

In the fifth year, I struggled with my health and my sanity and my business really suffered! But he was so awesome through all of it - he never said a word, even when when we couldn't pay our bills.

Here's the kicker - I forgot! The first thing he said when he returned from work was "happy anniversary", and I thought, "of what?" LOL. What a good guy!

getting back on the horse

I did my first sales meeting in a month last night, and it turned out pretty well. We updated some things on their life insurance, and they purchased a critical illness policy, which would have been a HUGE sale had I still been at a good commission level! At least I was able to meet their new baby, and the mom is now selling candles, so I ordered some from her.

Today I have to go down to the office to drop off the saliva sample, and I'll be dropping Jamie off at the bus depot so that she can visit one of her old friends, who has moved to Edmonton. I also have to make payments on the power bill and on the cell phone bill, so it'll be a bunch of running around for me.

Have a nice Friday!

six feet under

painting by Deanna Dean, entitled "Love Me"

Jamie and I have been having a Six Feet Under marathon for the last few days.

In case you've never heard of it, it tells the story of the family that runs a funeral home in California. The very first episode begins on Christmas Eve, with the patriarch, Nathaniel Sr., being killed by a city bus.

I started watching it shortly after Dale passed away and I was hooked! After that, Jamie gave me each subsequent Season for Christmases and Birthdays and we'd spend days watching all the episodes. The one thing wrong with my collection was that the very first season was on VHS, while all the others were on DVD. She remedied that last week when she saw Season One for $18.88 at Wal-Mart, and that started a whole new marathon. Well, that... and one of my favourites, Sas, posted the final scene of the series.

Six Feet Under was the best show ever created for television, particularly in terms of keeping it real. The characters were awesome, the storylines were fabulous, and the actors were incredibly talented. I couldn't believe some of the stuff they were doing - the mental illness alone was so real. The family dynamics, the mistakes people make, the way businesses are ran...and underneath it all, there was always a storyline about the family and friends who mourned the loss of their loved ones. Freak accidents, gang shootings, drownings, electrocutions, even one man who perished inside a very large commercial bread mixing machine. You'd think I wouldn't want to watch that, but it was very freeing for me.

It made me realize that as much as we are all alike, we are also very different. It was validating.

Oh, here's one of my favourite lines from the series so far: the female Rabbi is sitting with Nate, who has said, "I don't even know what a soulmate is, do you?" and she says "the person who makes you be the most you that you can be. Maybe your soul mate is the person who forces your soul to grow the most. Not all growth feels good."

I think she's got something.

happy humpday

I'm just stopping in to say hello. I haven't found any decent work to apply for in weeks, so I'll be staying with the insurance gig for awhile longer. I've also been doing a LOT of food shopping, since the prices are going through the roof and it now takes days to find everything you need fpr the price you're willing to pay.

Ooops - Bill is ready. We're going to try and find a humidifier for the bedroom, using my Shopper's Drug Mart points. Hopefully I can find one for less than $55.

Have a nice evening!

wtf?!

It's snowing right now. Big fat, heavy flakes. *sigh*

an old tradition

After leaving the park, and before touring the Calgary Tower, we took the girls to a Vietnamese restaurant for a noodle bowl. Originally, we'd wanted a Chinese place but the one Bill used to know is gone.

Still, the food was very good, and it gave the girls a chance to practice using chopsticks!

Back when Dale was alive, it was a given that anyone who sat down with us to eat Asian food would learn to use chopsticks - Japanese, Chinese or Vietnamese food all required them.

He use to tell Jamie's friends that they could only eat if they agreed to try, there would be no forks for these meals. Years later at his funeral, the chopstick story was told by her friends. We have kept that tradition alive, and Em has been pretty good at them since she moved here.

Yesterday, D.J. learned to use them with soup - that took guts, lol!

awesome day

D.J. and Emily, Calgary Tower

Bill and I are watching SNL and nursing a bit of a sunburn with Margaritas, although he has stepped out to light a cigar and I came here to post a pic. Just a few moments ago he was saying that days like this are a day of dreams.

Em and a good friend of hers got to play at an amusement park for a few hours, and after that we went to the Calgary Tower so that they could play on the glass floor. In the picture, they're 525 feet up, and lying directly over the Marriot Hotel!

Now they're in bed with lights out. They watched a scary movie, ate hot dogs and chips, and hopefully they'll pass out. Jamie just arrived home as well - she went to Calgary with her boyfriend.

The best feeling is at the end of a day like today. Nice weather, lots of fun and no drama, good parking spots and excellent french fries. And great coupons, lol. Beautiful evening.

and now, something a LOT lighter

The last entry was kind of a downer, but I'm in a great mood today.

Here are my new placemats! I don't usually like cows, but they reminded me of my mom, and they were only $2 each.

I think they're very colourful.

on ADC's, for Silver

my dinner table last night

Several of my readers are widows. Some have been widowed as long, or longer, than me. Others are fairly new, and my heart goes out to them. The first few years are definitely the worst, and while the days stretch long, the nights are longer!

At any rate, Silver left this comment:

kate, do you believe or have personally experienced ADCs?

I had two experiences in the first year. Dale passed away in our own bed, at the duplex we'd been living in for six years prior to his death, on October 2, 2002. I sat with his body for almost three hours, but this part is kind of fuzzy. I know he passed at 9:08 am, and I know the funeral home came just after noon, but don't really recall the time.

It was very difficult to let him go. You have to understand how co-dependent we were during our marriage, even though we suffered through his alcoholism together at the end. Prior to his chronic use, we were one of those couples that went everywhere together, attached at the hip. We weren't afraid to show affection in public and were often told to "get a room". I constantly told him that my love for him would transcend time and space and that if he could only see past the addiction, we would live a great life. Unfortunately, he wasn't meant to survive.

The ADC's (after death communications) happened in 2003.

In the first one, Dale came to me in a dream just three months after he died. This was different than any dream I'd had before (or since) because it was in complete colour and I remember the details quite clearly.

We were visiting friends at a lake, and were sitting in a cabin after finishing a meal. I was sitting in the kitchen chatting up the women, while he sat in the living room with the men. I'd glance over to him from time to time, and he would wink at me.

The wink was important because he always did this at social functions, as a way to say "I love you" without words.

Near the end he stood up and started shaking hands with people, and I started to gather up whatever stuff I had on the kitchen table. Then I grabbed my purse from beneath the table and started to stand as he made his way over.

"I have to go now," he said, placing his hand on the small of my back.

"I'm ready."

"I'm sorry Honey. I have to go alone."

"I'm coming with you."

"No, I'm sorry. You have to stay here."

"I want to come with you - "

An argument ensued, and out of embarrassment we took it outside. After a few minutes, he put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me down onto the front steps of the cabin. He kissed my forehead, then turned and walked down the path by himself. I cried until I woke, then cried some more. For the next few years, he would visit me in my dreams but he never spoke to me or looked into my eyes directly.

The second time was seven months later, only this time I was wide awake and inside an import store. The woman that was helping me took me to the cash desk and asked, "when did your husband decide to go home?"

"He didn't," I replied, "he passed away, last October."

"I know, I'm so sorry. Please don't freak out, but he's been nudging me this whole time. He wants me to tell you that he's okay. He's already had his celebration, but he's..."

"Celebration?"

"With his loved ones. He says he can see you, and that you're not doing well."

Tears welled up in my eyes. "It's hard."

"He wants you to know that everything will be alright."

Shortly after that, the import store closed. She didn't try to solicit a thing from me, and I never saw her again. As for ADC's, I believe there is a period of time after someone dies, where they are in limbo. It's like they float between realms and they can do things they wouldn't normally be able to do.

I had one other incident on the morning of the first anniversary - he left me a message, and sent me a song, on October 2, 2003. Other than that, I haven't noticed anything.

I think that he has moved on, too.

introducing!

This is Wezley, Emily's new guinea pig.

We think that he's about three months old. He's still fairly shy, but he will come up to you if you offer some red leaf lettuce, or a baby carrot.

We brought him home last Friday and so far Tokyo doesn't know what to make of him. For the first few days, we kept the door closed and Wezley stayed in his cage. Kitty's ears were working overtime, trying to figure out what those noises were coming from Em's room.

on catching up laundry and sisters

Sisters, by Lena Sotskova

I slept late this morning, to make up for the long work day yesterday. In the past, working a nine or ten hour day was nothing, but since I have aquired this fatigue issue, it feels more like twenty hours!

The early afternoon has been moderately productive, though. I've done several basins of handwashing, mostly consisting of tank tops or sleepwear. I've finished filling the dishwasher and it's running, and I've folded and put away two loads of Bill's clean clothes, and I have another pile ready to go into the washer.

We're getting ready for Emily's birthday weekend, which consists of us taking her and a friend to Calaway Park in Calgary. I figure we'll spend the day fooling around there (we have two for one tickets) and she can have a sleepover when we come home. We couldn't have it last weekend, because Bill was on call.

At any rate, I've been moving through the house doing all these chores, and I can't help thinking about my sister, Deb. Deb and I have not always been close, because she is the one that "married well" and stayed on the straight and narrow, while I am the black sheep who has lived with/married psychotics and alcoholics.

She was there for me when Dale was sick and dying, and she did give the funeral home a $1,500 down payment, which I have yet to repay. She has never asked for it, so to be honest I don't know if that plays a part in our estrangement. She seems to have started changing around the time I was starting with the insurance company and getting married to Bill, and I haven't heard much from her at all since March of 2008. That seems strange, given that she lives less than thirty miles away. (She texted me in January to say Happy Birthday, and didn't even add an exclamation point!)

Do you think it's natural for siblings to drift apart? I don't know if she resents me, or my lifestyle, or if she is just going through a depression that shuts everyone else out. I haven't asked her, nor will I. Our family doesn't confront anyone else - we're very quiet that way. Other people, yes. Family, no.

I think it's sad and I miss her.

the future begins

Chekov, Kirk, Scotty, Bones, Sulu, Uhura

Bill and I saw Star Trek last night, and we loved it!

I really liked how they integrated lots of "old" Star Trek themes - the music, the sound effects, the colours of the uniforms, and some of the characteristics of the previous actors. For example, to me (and apparently many others) Bones wouldn't be "Bones" if he didn't say "Damn it Jim, I'm a Doctor, not an Engineer!" lol

Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto did an excellent job of portraying James T. Kirk and Spock, and I thought it was nice that Leonard Nimoy made an appearance. Bill was disappointed that William Shatner didn't. In the new movie, Chekov is very young, and I thought that was so cute. I quite liked the young Scotty, too.

The nicest thing was that we went on cheap night, and since we had a $25 gift certificate to start with, we paid only $6 in cash for the entire evening.

Love that part the most.

crazy weather

I love living in Alberta, for the most part. But when it snows (like it did last night, although it melted immediately) I just want to move back to BC. It might be rainy a lot of the time, but that has to be better than snow, and I bet there are flowers blooming everywhere.

Here's a quick question for you. Do you have life insurance? Do you believe in life insurance?

I'll be back later to tell you about the movie we saw last night, for $6.

Have a good one.

what's for supper?

Four Layer Chocolate Cake, Em's Birthday cake

Yesterday, I spent a few hours at the office, in the board room. I hate not having an office where everything is all in one spot, but at least I can connect to the secure server. I once had this little VPN bobble (virtual private network, I think) that held a code, but since I have moved I can't find it. That would allow me to check my email from home, or log onto the business centre, but without it, I have no choice but to the use the board room.

Today I have to set someone up with Health Insurance, and mail off a package on Estate and Financial Planning Services, then I have to do some grocery shopping. I'm hoping to find some decent meat prices! My freezer is down to two packages of chicken, and we're quite sick of ground beef and pork.

What are you going to make for supper? I need some ideas.

road trip

Bill and I drove to Wetaskiwin yesterday, to see one of my oldest friend's, Dale's Sensei from Winnipeg. To be honest, I wasn't sure if he would come with me - for awhile there, I thought he might get called into work, or not want to go.

But for a man that has married a widow, he's been great. I used to read about recoupled widow/ers having trouble with resentment and jealousy all the time. The "I just can't compete with a ghost" bs was one of my biggest worries. Thankfully, he doesn't do that.

He listens to me talk about Dale, although not as much as I used to - right now I'm still angry that the stress he caused has started messing with me physically. And maybe that is why Bill doesn't resent Dale very much. Dale made some HUGE mistakes during his short, tragic life and I have been left behind to deal with it all, and most of the time Bill feels empathy for me.

At any rate, we drove about an hour north of here to see his Sensei. We watched part of the class and then met them for a beer afterward, which was nice. Bill got to chat up the Two Dale's (two former students and good friends of Dale) Takanaka (the Sensei from Wetaskiwin) and Sensei's Smabey(from Iowa) and Marr (from Winnipeg) and we all laughed and joked around for an hour before we headed home.

It was the perfect way to spend Mother's Day.

lola

I haven't posted a pic of Lola lately. Here she is in my truck this afternoon, on the way home from visiting with Dale's Sensei.

She loves car trips.

birthday girl

Em and her Birthday cake, Friday

Em's Birthday on Friday turned out great! Our gift to her was a trip to the salon, where for two hours she had her hair washed, coloured and styled. We had a bronze colour added to the bottom and underside layers and it looks awesome. After that, Jamie and Kyle took her to see Star Trek.

It's amazing how fast she's changing! I am so happy to have Jamie around to help us get through the next few years. Bill and I are getting too old for this already, lol.

Hope you all had a nice Mother's Day!

busy afternoon ahead

The picture is a conjoined strawberry that Jamie found while she was cutting up fruit. Both kids have asked me why I haven't blogged about it, so here it is.

I love this time of year! The trees are budding, the grass is growing, and the fruit it better than it has been in six months.

Yesterday I got half my office fit into my desk at home and have a few things to finish today, inluding getting my printer hooked up at home. I know I'll regret it, because at the start it'll only be important papers that need printing, but then it'll be everything. Jamie has a printer downstairs, but she broke the screen to her Macbook and it's been out of commission for a year.

Today I have to organize the rest of the papers from my office, and then I have to find some gift wrap for Em's birthday presents.

The rest of the weekend is packed! There's Em's birthday tomorrow, and part of her gift is a trip to the salon. Jamie and Kyle are taking her to the Star Trek movie after that, then she's having a sleepover in another city the next day. I'll be working at the store Saturday, going to see Star Trek with Bill afterward (I won a gift card for that at work) then visiting Sensei on Sunday, who is here from Winnipeg. On Monday, I'm going to see my Mom for Mother's Day.

I have to make some coffee, so I hope you all have a nice Thursday.

is your child a bully?

I've been reading about A LOT of bullying going on out there, and it still amazes me to this day that parents are not taking a bigger stance. It is such a horrible thing for a human being to do! I'm not saying that my daughter's have never done it - I think most kids try it when they are in early adolescence, but we have talked about the effects of bullying over and over and over. Even in cases when the kids have been rude to their friends, we call them on it.

Both my kids have had things happen to them (at the hands of other kids) that have changed their lives forever. Jamie finished school at the age of twenty, because every time they'd set their sights on her, she'd quit. Who wants to be targeted by jackals? I'd rather do anything than stay at a school that bullies.

If your kids are on Facebook or Messenger, perhaps you should be looking at it to see what they're saying to others.

If your kids are over the age of ten, and hang around your neighbourhood in any size group (let's say two or more) then you must tell them, boys or girls, to be careful with what they do and who they decide to interact with.

Then it's important to check on them, to see what they're up to.

It's your duty as a parent.

Maybe they're not bullying that poor kid down the block, but picking on the neighbourhood animals. Maybe they're damaging the neighbour's property. Maybe they're shoplifting from the local convenience store - but you owe it to everyone to watch them and teach them how to be normal, kind-hearted kids that are welcome in the community.

(I realize that some of the parents don't belong in the community, but for the purpose of this entry, let's leave them be.)

Here's a great website about bullying, and what your kids can do if they're being targeted.

mes deux

Today is my Two Year Anniversary of quitting!

You know, I was such a hardcore smoker, it really blows me away that I was able to stay quit. I still think about smoking every day (and quite often, I will take a drag from Bill's cigars) but as for actual cigarettes - not one since May 4, 2007.

In my experience, playing mind games with myself helps. Back on JS, Justfly mentioned that giving herself permisssion to start again one day helped her. I think I've said I'd start again when I was 60 or 70, but hers was 80, lol. Also, the cost of smoking in Alberta (up to $12.30/25 pack) is enough to keep me away, as though the health risk wasn't enough.

Now I just have to find a way to replace the Pepsi.

pick the perp

We've been doing some outside cleaning and I've been doing some reading on the causes of Fibro, but I just wanted to show you this.

It's called pick the perp and you can test your skills. Who was charged with writing bad cheques, or assault? Last night I gave it a try, and only got 1 out of 20. Personally, I think they all look a little skeevy.

I have love and gratitude

photo by Alison Lane

You wouldn't think that someone without a full time job could be so busy, but it feels like I haven't stopped.

Yesterday I spent quite a bit of time on the phone with my ISP, who had been over-charging me for Internet Security for, seemingly, two years. The first Customer Service agent found the mistake, connected me to the second, who offered to credit me for three months.

"But haven't you taken unauthorized funds for two years?" I asked.

"Well, yes..."

"Then why can't you refund it all?"

"Because it's a rule."

"Telus has a rule that states you can steal money from your customers?"

"No. The rule states we can only credit three months."

"Then you'll send me a cheque for the rest?"

"No."

"Then you're stealing it."

"Ma'am..."

"I know this is your job, and I don't want to have to yell at you, so if you can't pay back what your company has been stealing from me, I need to talk to someone who can."

Turns out, they have only overcharged me for ten months, but I'll be credited the entire amount, $129.50.

After that, Bill arrived home and we went out to do our volunteer delivering for Loaves and Fishes, the soup kitchen we're using to pay it forward (see a few entries prior.) We met some very nice people, and gave one of the other volunteers, Stella, a ride home.

Stella is a 50-ish woman living on her own, has diabetes, and really struggles with getting enough to eat (especially vegetables) or getting around. Let me just say that I am SO grateful to have the vehicle I have, and the house I have, and please, please, please God, I don't want to be aging, alone and unable to care for myself.

I think that I will talk to some of the Advisors next week to see if any of them want to adopt Stella. Basically, she needs a bus pass ($60/month) and a gift card for a grocery store. I really feel for her.

turning in the key

photo by Terry Clark

The last few days have been stressful and busy, with Jim's hip replacement surgery, Jamie's yard sale, and moving out of my office.

I put it off as long as I could, and finally, around ten p.m. last night, Bill and I went down there with a few boxes and a large suitcase. Ninety minutes later, the entire place was empty, save for the desk and the telephone. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do it in an orderly fashion, but it went well.

I don't know how I feel giving up that office. There was a time, well before the economic crisis, that I was planning on moving over and taking one with a window. Unfortunately, the ones with the window cost $250 more per month, and after the second market fall in October, it became a moot point anyway.

You know what is really a kick in the pants? The experienced Advisors are cleaning up, especially in the wealth market. Newbies like me don't have a big client base to prospect from, and it takes twice the effort to get in front of new clients. I struggled with the original effort, which was about 45 hours per week.

At any rate, it'll be at least another month before I resign completely. As one of the managers said, going non-occ (no office) is the last step before resignations. If I knew I could keep up the pace, I'd stay with this company in a heartbeat.

Moving on.

I have to hurry and get dressed, if I want to get to the hospital. Jim is doing very well in his recovery so far, and I hope it stays that way. I was so worried because of his age!

Have a nice Friday.