I've been reading about A LOT of bullying going on out there, and it still amazes me to this day that parents are not taking a bigger stance. It is such a horrible thing for a human being to do! I'm not saying that my daughter's have never done it - I think most kids try it when they are in early adolescence, but we have talked about the effects of bullying over and over and over. Even in cases when the kids have been rude to their friends, we call them on it.
Both my kids have had things happen to them (at the hands of other kids) that have changed their lives forever. Jamie finished school at the age of twenty, because every time they'd set their sights on her, she'd quit. Who wants to be targeted by jackals? I'd rather do anything than stay at a school that bullies.
If your kids are on Facebook or Messenger, perhaps you should be looking at it to see what they're saying to others.
If your kids are over the age of ten, and hang around your neighbourhood in any size group (let's say two or more) then you must tell them, boys or girls, to be careful with what they do and who they decide to interact with.
Then it's important to check on them, to see what they're up to.
It's your duty as a parent.
Maybe they're not bullying that poor kid down the block, but picking on the neighbourhood animals. Maybe they're damaging the neighbour's property. Maybe they're shoplifting from the local convenience store - but you owe it to everyone to watch them and teach them how to be normal, kind-hearted kids that are welcome in the community.
(I realize that some of the parents don't belong in the community, but for the purpose of this entry, let's leave them be.)
Here's a great website about bullying, and what your kids can do if they're being targeted.
Bullying is never nice it can make the most confident person a shadow of themselves when somebody gets their claws into them for their own personal satisfaction at bringing somebody down. We watch our daughter very carefully at school and the biggest cause of bullying we find is when somebody is jealous of them.
ReplyDeleteHear hear Kate!
ReplyDeleteSomething I am very careful about. I keep my kids deep in activities. Sometimes, it runs me ragged. My son is now swimming 5 days a week and my daughter 4. There is homework, daily. Reading is a requirement in my house but so is basketball in the backyard with Dad (and quite a bit without him as he nurses various injuries and discovers muscles he forgot about). The point is, keep them busy and stay involved. Build their minds and bodies. Do not hesitate to intervene and keep a sound sense of wrong and right.
ReplyDeleteWell said and a good point and reminder. Things I do myself. Like Burst I like to keep mine ( and somehow that includes me) busy!!!
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I'm dealing with this issue now. Thanks so much for this important post and information. All of us parents have to be active advocates for our children. We NEED to know about what's going on in our children's lives.
ReplyDeletei dont' have kids, but my neice is 12 years old. when she was 10, the girls in her class were already calling each other whores.. wow. i didn't even know what a whore was until high school..
ReplyDeleteGreat and needed post. You set the age at 10 or above, but I was astounded when my daughter was in the 4th grade to find that she was being bullied by a group of her peers. Nothing physical and life threatening mind you, but of name calling and an exclusion nature. Eight year olds! Forming up in packs, and attacking! Opened my eyes for sure. The reason? My daughter liked and got along with her teachers...teachers pet. When I realized who the parents of these girls were, I was not surprised. It's no longer an issue, but don't think that the young ones are totally innocent.
ReplyDeletejj - I just mentioned ten because that's usually the age when they are no longer supervised by their parents around the neighbourhood.
ReplyDeleteBullying is prevalent in ALL ages, and that exclusionary behaviour can be just as bad at 6 or 7 years of age.
Well said (I popped over from Kelly's again b/c I saw your post title.) My son is just under 2yrs old, and already I can see the older boys (and some girls) in his preschool program that will no doubt be the neighborhood bullies. You're right that correcting that begins now.. not later! Later is already too later.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could make some of their parents read this post. (:
What an excellent post. And it is the parent's responsibility. Unfortunately parents are passive about it or they deny it: "not my son". Or the kids learn it from their bullying obnoxious parents.
ReplyDeleteMy Babe is so sensitive and this year she's learning how to say "so" and go. And my older one has gone through it already and blows it off thank god. My first instinct as a mom is to beat the parents down, but what would that solve?
ReplyDeleteI try my best to hug my kids and remind them how special they are. And hope that they listen when I'm trying to teach them right from wrong. I feel sorry for the ones who don't get that at home.
I wish some parents could see their child as other's see them. Sometimes it is not a pretty sight.
ReplyDeleteRoz
Kate excellent (as always) post!! This was on our minds Friday night when we watched Flashpoint. Its a great show filmed in Canada and they don't hide the fact - anyways the episode on Friday was about bullying and reading some of the message boards people agree its an episode that needs to be aired in the high schools - it was very emotional and if just one bully feels the emotion of what they do to their victim its done its job.
ReplyDeleteMy son was a bit of a victim when he was younger. He was such a gentle child and it didn't take much -- but he just quietly grew with each episode and if I say so myself is a very well rounded young man today. I don't want to compare what he went through with some things that other children experience but I could tell when he was hurt. Our favourite was about his height - -he was tiny - and he didn't grow until he was 16. We told him to be patient - today he is 6'2" and is very kind to any child with a problem.
Joanne, I'll look for that episode. It must be on CBC.
ReplyDeleteKate -- actually its a CBS show - that is the incredible thing - they don't hide the fact its Canadian on a US show.
ReplyDeleteOK, thanks!
ReplyDeleteRoz says it well. I’m pretty damned sure that the parents of the bullies I knew at school had no little or no idea at all of what their kids were doing – in fact I suspect many of them would refuse to believe it.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right Simon. We get so busy, and forget to teach them what they need to know. *sigh*
ReplyDelete