july 30

photo by Crystal Graham
We've had hail three times this week - my plants are shredded.

I've spent the last week and a half doing housework, writing resumes, and watching a Six Feet Under marathon. The SFU is something that always pulls me out of whatever problems I'm having at the moment, thank god.

I've applied at several places but can't call because the listing states "only those selected for the interview process will be contacted", although I did call the oxygen supply company. The manager was harried and barely wanted to speak to me.

"Where'd you send it? The resume?"

"HR."

"They haven't communicated to me in a week."

"Would you like me to send it on to you?" I asked. "Do you have a few moments now?"

"No, I'm too busy. Send it to me though."

I also applied at a farm dealer, as a warehouse manager. For that, I may need to take a forklift course, but I'm totally willing to do something like that. Sounds like fun.

Today we're going out to see my mum, since I haven't had the chance since losing my job (and company car) and I have some new sheets for their beds. I want to wash the floors, too.

Have a nice Saturday!

newfoundlanders!

Here's a grainy pic of Emily, myself and Bill at Christmas this past year, which was held at Cathy's farm out near Rimbey. Christmas was kind of the start of integrating Bill's family into our lives.

Not that we were avoiding them or anything...okay, maybe a little.

With Bill just coming out of two years of isolation when we met (he'd had a helluva time getting custody of Em and trying to find a job that would work around having a six year old. Daycares don't usually accept kids at 4:30 am, which is what time Bill had to leave when he was welding) he decided to lay low.

Lay low from his sister Cathy, who'd witnessed his struggle while she went through her own, working in Alberta while her kids stayed in Newfoundland. When she settled down here, it took another year before we got a call from their mum, Margie, to get together because Cathy's son was in the hospital with appendicitus.

It didn't take long before Bill's mum & dad came out, and as of last week, his cousins out of Labrador. To be honest, the whole family is awesome. I've enjoyed meeting and talking with all of them, and just love the whole culture, from the food to their interesting dialects.

I'm off to work for awhile. Happy Sunday!

peaceful

a pic of Dale's wedding band, taken before I had to sell it

While it's true that life was never the same for my mum after Dale's death - well, for any of us, I have to admit that the quietness that came was healing.

Life went on. My step-dad continued to farm the land and the look after the cows, even if he was down to half a dozen head. My mum toodled around the house, took up crossword puzzles and lottery scratch tickets, and started sending Jim to get the groceries while she sat on the deck checking out her Peonies. For awhile, us kids prodded her to quit smoking and give up beer, but after a few years we realized that you can't change anyone, least of all your mum.

The last few days have helped me calm down too.

Yesterday I called her to follow up on the shower chair I took last weekend. "Mum," I practically yelled. "You have to try the chair before I come on Sunday. Sunday! If it's too big or too wide, I'll bring it back and exchange it."

"Do I have a shower chair?" she asked.

*sigh* Things went better with the bed. "Also, can you throw the sheets in the washer Sunday morning? I'll put them on for you."

This time, I could hear the smile in her voice. "Okay. I'll see you then!"

Now that she's accepting our help, it makes it easier for me to offer. And I'm going to take out some petunias for the front yard, and hang the lanterns I got for Jim for Father's Day. I'm looking forward to going out, once Bill returns from the shop.

Happy Father's Day!

the angel closes her eyes

my "Simpsonize Me" pic from a few years ago

If you happen to be a JSer, then you know that we lost one of our own this past week, likeisaid, or Betty. I was completely gobsmacked when I read that Betty had passed on in her sleep - it seems as though she'd just lost her beloved husband, Paul. My heart goes out to her two sisters, Sally & Paula. Some of my favourite posts were from these southern sisters! Old black & whites from the 60's and 70's (loved those little shift dresses!) blurry coloured pics from the 80's, posing with their men and their cars.

Paula and Sal - if you're reading this, I am so, so sorry.

As always, work is really busy and we spend our time trying to get more things done than we did the day before. I'm used to this kind of pace and it doesn't stress me out very much. I do get stressed by my boss, though.

He's calming down a little (dare I say, he's even getting a little beat down by the amount of work?) and he's lightening up a little. Yesterday when he called me about another conference call I was late to he actually laughed when I said "holy crap, another one?"

At home, the big project involves a visit from Bill's parents and his younger brother, Craig, In April. They'll be spending the odd night at our house here in the city and that means painting the downstairs, converting the downstairs living room to a studio apartment for Em, getting Jamie's room ready (she's moving back after the last semester ends and staying until July or August) buying a new bed for Em's old room and getting the carpets cleaned. So far, we have the new throw rugs, lol.

I'll be waking Bill from his nap in a few moments. What is everyone else doing?

weekend update

The last few weeks have been incredibly busy!

Work has been crazy. Last Thursday I was on my out-of-town delivery route and decided to cut through the city on my way through to Innisfail, which is a little town about half an hour south of here. While I was driving past the greyhound bus depot, a deer ran into the street and tackled my van. Took out the passenger front panel and the mirror, fell, then got back up and ran behind the Sun Life building. It was shocking and took awhile for the adrenaline to stop pumping through me!

We have two new RRT's (respiratory therapists) but one is kind of office-bound doing C-PAP fittings and since she's very young (twenty-one) she's dying to get out into the field and I'm worried that she will quit if if we don't find a way to get her out of the office. I know that she accepted the office job, but that was prior to finding out that she passed the board test and got her designation. Since then, she's been in contact with the local hospital and even set up a rotation to get some experience there. *sigh* I do not have complete faith that Omar will abide by it, but he's got to tread lightly with this one. She won't take his crap and has a lot more going for her than our company.

I've developed quite a good rapport with the other new RRT, Linda. She's in her late thirties and we have a lot in common, including familial problems (her parents could be a lot more supportive) and losses (her brother was much like Dale and died last year.) She tends to run late but works into the night, and I can usually cover whatever is happening first thing in the morning. She has also helped me an awful lot in the warehouse, cleaning and testing equipment that had been getting backlogged since two of our older nursing homes closed their doors for good.

I feel pretty good about the team we have now.

Emily has grown an inch since we last measured, and she is now 1/2" taller than Bill and 1 1/2" taller than me. We knew this day would come.

Jamie is busy writing mid-terms this week and continues to lose weight. Last week I picked up these two wool jackets on major clearance ($35 for both!) and she swiped the shorter one with the fitted, empire waist. I hope she keeps it up at this steady pace.

Bill and I are still doing really good. I worry about being too exhausted to pay much attention to each other during the week; so many days either he or I need to have a nap to get through the evening and the odd time we have to go to bed at 9:00 pm and pass out! Weekends are just what we need to relax, and this coming Monday is Family Day which means I get a three days off. Yay!

I'm off to read some blogs. Happy Saturday!

letters to Dale

Dear Dale,

It's been awhile since I've felt like writing you, but so many things cross my mind while I'm working and driving around town; sometimes I make believe that you'll be visiting soon and I can catch you up.

Tomorrow is my birthday, I'll be forty-six years old. Hard to believe that I was thirty-seven when you died! To be honest, I feel like I'm still thirty-seven, so I guess that's good. Remember how we used to celebrate together? I'm not sure if I ever said that some years, I kind of resented you for letting me pick my own birthday to ignore (weren't we always broke on mine anyway?) I sometimes hoped you'd say "Let's celebrate on January 31st this year" but of course, this never happened. It might have, had you not faced those issues with alcohol, but that's a point I try not to dwell on.

I saw Shane last week - I almost didn't recognise him!I never thought he'd ever shave off that mustache, but he did. He doesn't look like the Marlborough Man anymore; to be honest he's starting to look a little old. I didn't speak to him - I didn't like him when you were alive and not much has changed.

Kerry Wagstaff left me a facebook message a few weeks ago, asking about all those Led Zeppelin CD's I offered him after you died. I almost fell over...seriously? You've been dead for more than eight years and he just remembered?! Did he think I still had them? He's a nice guy, but has not changed much since our high school days.

Al's dog Wiley died a few months back, but I remember thinking that you would know that, knowing how much you loved him (and all border collies in general) Yanno, Lucy is nine years old now and she is STILL spazzy for a border collie...but Mum & Jim love her and take care of her.

The city has grown to almost 100,000 people and you would hardly recognize it anymore. They closed down two nursing homes (the one by Bower Mall and the one in Lower Fairview) and built a monstrous new facility by the old duplex. Who knew we even had the space, but they're building in all kinds of forgotten places.

Jamie moved out six months ago to attend college (!!!) and I think that she has finally come to a place where she's accepted that you were sick and it wasn't really about her, but more about you. She hasn't seen her own dad since she was 17, and she has accepted Bill and I as her only parents. You'd be so proud of her!

Speaking of kids, Jamie is here today and brought her new Wii for us to try so I should go join them.

*hugs*

Kathy

ice land

photo taken by Arnel, in Calgary, AB, this morning.

Thursday's +0° temps created havoc all over Alberta! Snow that had been mashed into the highways all winter was melted by late afternoon and the next day when it began to freeze, it was bad. Add to that ten cm. of blowing snow and highways were closed by noon yesterday.

That put a damper on the Saturday I had planned with Jamie, which was lunch, shopping and haircuts in a town about half an hour north of here, but we made do. After cancelling and rebooking my appointment, I got on the phone with a few places here in town to find something for Jamie.

The whole time, Jamie was sending me texts.

Cancelling?! Noooooo Mum! I NEED this haircut! *sob*

She comes by the drama naturally, lol.

Anyway, we got her into Magicuts, even though I wouldn't normally book a cut there. Not that I have anything against chains, it's just that I don't trust your average stylist with the kind of hair that I have (and passed onto Jamie.) When we arrived, there were two stylists already working on others and Jamie was passed to this middle aged man who took one look at her hair and said something like "oh, it's so thick I'd better do it dry," and went to work. Jamie thought he'd do a shampoo and style and hadn't washed her hair so when he said he was finished we were a little surprised. Rather than cause a scene we paid the $20 and went to the mall to book a shampoo and blow out, which cost me another $26.

I don't know why I am always surprised when we get terrible service, but we let it go and killed time in between by shopping the lingerie and houseware departments. I even bought a black cross-body bag, which is something new for me - but the fibro is doing a number on my forearms this winter.

Today we're working in the warehouse, but have to clear snow from the sidewalks, back yard and deck. After that, I think Bill is picking Jamie up so that the kids can go sliding.

Happy Sunday!

good-bye to this week

photo of Banff National Park by Ben Chase

Thankfully, I'm feeling a little better today. The last few days have been stressful (due to my new boss, who keeps reminding me that Jan. 15th is coming up, while accusing me of favouring Bill by wanting him to have Personal Protective Equipment)
*sigh*

Between having to justify wanting Bill to have lined steel toed boots, working on Sundays ("I will okay it this time but not again") and not being able to get any answers or supplies, I'm almost to the end of my rope. Seriously, since when did it become so hard to find a good paying, decent job with a decent supervisor?

I am so frustrated! Thank goodness we have a new Registered Respiratory Therapist. Her name is Corey and she started on Tuesday; she might be able to help a little. Still, I know that I will have to come to help Bill on Sunday without getting paid and shut up about it or else he'll make Bill stay every night for an extra 90 minutes and forget about my ever seeing him.

Tonight Emily has a babysitting gig so Bill and I have the house to ourselves and might take in a movie and then hopefully, go dancing afterwards. Dancing is just the exercise we need! It always makes things better. Then tomorrow, I'm taking Jamie for a haircut & lunch, as part of her Christmas gift.

I hope you all have a good weekend. Happy Friday!

Halloween weekend

In past years, our house has been covered with Halloween decorations. Pumpkins, on the verge of rotting, sat on the front steps; gravestones and cemetary signs covered the front lawn. Inside, the living room looked like backstage at a community theatre. Costumes and weapons covered the coffee table, end table and chaise.

This year with Jamie gone, the house is eerily quiet. Em is having a sleepover a few houses down, and it looks like she took her giant pumpkin with her. That thing weighed at least 25 lbs, lol.

Yesterday she went to school in her Mad Hatter Girl costume and it was a hit! At first she wanted to buy a costume but I talked her into getting a hat and building a costume around that and a Victorian jacket we cut down. After moving the buttons and slitting it down the back, I used a long black shoelace to put corset lacing in. She wore a blue satin bubble skirt, multi-coloured leggings and boots, and the other kids loved it.

We don't have any decorations up, but we do have a snow globe that has a skeleton couple dancing to Ding Dong the Witch is Dead and two crows that look down on you from the top of the desk in the kitchen. That's the extent of Halloween for us, this year, along with handing out candy.

Have a safe and happy weekend!

there's a chilly mist today

painting by Mark Bryce

I'm a little disappointed that it's cold today, although it might not stop me completely from trying to place a bunch of rocks that we got yesterday.

Jamie, Em and I drove out to the farm to harvest rocks for the backyard, and it was a great day for it. We picked up one little boulder (40lbs+) and two dozen medium size pink rocks that will form the foundation of the beds that surround the stairs that come up from the basement. I've already transplanted some of shady plants from the front yard back there, but now I can replace the old boards with stone.

While we were there we visited with Mum & Jim, and I got to talk gardening with Mum for awhile. I can't wait until the Spring, because I'm going to fill their front yard with annuals!

Jim was a little grumpy but he's got another hip replacement coming up so he can be grumpy if he wants to be. Still, he gave me a box of potatoes from his garden, which is a real treat for us these days! I don't know why I didn't always appreciate the difference between fresh veggies from a garden and from a grocery store, but I'm loving the onions and garlic from Bill's sister Cathy.

I'm off to make some stew. Have a nice Sunday.

becoming an advocate

photo from Gratitude Rocks.com

I mentioned Mr. Schultz in my last post. He's about ready to break my heart! In between phone calls and enquiries I am getting a lot of lectures from co-workers.

It started when I got the pick up notice from dispatch. Mr Schultz is actually a C-Pap client but because he is 85 and severely claustrophobic, he was unable to be fitted for the mask and when he started freaking for the second time on the second try, the Specialist ripped the mask off and said "You know what? This isn't going to work. Maybe you should pay for the Oxygen." Keep in mind that this all happened within six months of his wife's untimely death.

So instead of having a C-Pap machine to treat his apnea, he was being billed for an oxygen concentrator that would open his airways a bit at night and because he had not applied for any widow's benefits, nor updated his new address with the Senior's Program, he wasn't getting subsidies and couldn't pay for anything more than food & rent. After his bill went $600 Past Due, I was sent to take the concentrator away.

I did have to take it, but I also stayed long enough to contact Home Care. They'll get him some of the things he needs (like a wedge pillow and a shower chair) and they'll help him with payment plans in case he needs to buy something. I also called the Senior's Program and printed off the app for CPP Widow/ers Pension so that he'll be able to pay the overdue amount and (hopefully) get the C-Pap.

Bill cautioned me not to do "too much" or bill my time doing all this, but I believe in the end, he will qualify and we'll be able to make him a client in good standing.

Twice during our meeting, Mr Shultz cried when recounting how his wife used to take care of him. I looked him in the eye and told him, "Mr Schultz, I believe that you've had one of the roughest years of your life, but you are not alone. I will help you get the ball rolling with the paperwork, and Marianne will help you get the C-Pap. Until I can find you another, I will be your Advocate."

He promised to be more open-minded about talking to machines (Mr Schultz hung up the moment an electronic voice came on the phone, out of principal. But that principal was driving him out of his home and into the poorhouse) and he promised he'd be open-minded about the masks we'll have to try on his apnea.

The next day, I called Billing and confronted the woman that was pushing me to go out and get the concentrator. I explained a little before she commented that I was "new and idealistic" but I didn't agree. "I may be new to the company, but I'm forty-five and have a lot of experience with people."

"Everyone has a story," she cautioned.

"Exactly! I have a story too, and in this case I think I can help him and I can get that invoice paid."

In the end, she softened. "I hope that when I'm 85 and have Alzheimer's, someone like you will decide to help me."

Me too. And if I'm not here and my family needs help, please let someone else step in to help them!

I'm off to see my mum today, and hopefully get some nice quartz rocks. Have a good weekend!

another day off

Random garden art. Love stuff like this!

Yesterday was such a lovely day!

Bill and I usually spend Sundays loading/unloading his 3 ton truck, sorting empty cylinders and decontaminating and transferring equipment to our biomed location in Calgary, but this week we did it on Saturday and boy did we get a lot done! Thank goodness too, because in the last few days we've had a lot of call outs to change concentrators and we were so behind we were having to clean & test on the go.

Having everything finished early meant that I could do some gardening while the turkey was in the oven, and I took full advantage of that. I moved a peony tree from the front yard to the back (I think it's going to need it's own micro-climate this winter, and since I moved it into a corner area, I believe it'll survive) and I edged some of the other beds I have in front with soft red brick. Although I don't always like the look of it when it's freshly installed, I know it'll look great next spring once the annuals are planted.

By five in the afternoon, I had much of the garden cleaning done and while Em and I drove off to collect Jamie from work, Bill mashed the potatoes and drained the veggies and took the turkey out of the oven.

Dinner was lovely! The bird was only ten pounds and went quickly, and after dinner we settled in the living room with coffee and cheesecake to watch "One Week", a Canadian independent film with Joshua Jackson. Loved it and highly recommend it!

Today is Holiday Monday, which means I get an extra day off (again, thank goodness! I put in 51 hours last week) and we're driving out to Eckville to see Bill's sister. Since she lost her MIL to cancer in January, she has quit work as a camp cook and stays home on the family farm to help look after her FIL; this has meant she could send for her fifteen year old son in Newfoundland and she's thrilled. She has not lived full time with her children for several years, because she had to leave the province to work. Now that she has Brent back, she's spoiling him rotten! Good thing he's such a nice boy.

Happy Monday!

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada and I have a lot to be thankful for!
My parents are all alive and relatively happy, my oldest is in college and working and Bill and Em are doing well and their respective families are all okay.

Em is coping well with the suicide of her mom, which happened in March this year. Since she's turned 13 (in May) we've really stepped up our expectations in regard to how well she cares for her own possessions, how much she helps us around the house and how willing she is to be open about her friends and aquaintences and she's done pretty good. There have been a few times that we've had heated exchanges, but that is to be expected. Man, the teenage years are hard on everyone!!

Jamie is enjoying college but really needs to get out of retail and FAST. She's been trying to do both because she put off asking for a loan, but after her manager started gunning for her (writing her up for almost anything! She's had to refuse to sign a few complaints because they were completely made up) she's decided to resign and is looking for something more part time and hopefully, with a team that doesn't have an ego based manager. Jamie is a lot like me when I was younger, and having such a strong personality doesn't go over very well with managers like that, lol.

This past week was a lot better in terms of work, and I cried only three times, which is an improvement! One of the problems is that I am very sensitive to other people's pain; this is something I have always had and it got worse after Dale's passing. If someone yells at me or treats me badly I must chalk it up to stress or worry, but I am getting better at ignoring it. Remember Mr Avery from last week? He was in the hospital this past Wednesday and I didn't have to deliver any cylinders, but I was awfully worried knowing how he'd been feeling the week before. I can only hope that he recovers okay, or if he can't, that he goes quickly and without pain.

Okay, I'm off to read a few blogs. Happy Thanksgiving to all Canadians!

september 26

painting by Stephen Magsig

Next weekend will mark the eighth anniversary of Dale's death. October 2, 2002.

It was at the beginning of last week that I thought, is it someones birthday today? What day is it anyway? and a few moments later I realized that it was the countdown time.

Sept. 14th was the day he announced he was ready to go; he lingered on at our little duplex over by the Michener Centre. I was caring for him there because I'd promised him he wouldn't have to die at the hospital. Those eight hospital stays had taken their toll and he would have no more of it. Honestly, he would have liked to go off on his own to die, on his own terms down to the letter (that was his personality disorder at work) but he acquiesced to me and eventually chose to pass in his own bed, which was a double size platform.

For the first few days we didn't make any changes, he was growing weak but could still be assisted to the en suite bathroom or to lay down on the couch down the hall in the living room. One such day I remember putting a Muddy Waters disc in the stereo. He lay still for a few seconds, with his eyes closed, before whispering, "You are a Goddess."

The following week in our bedroom, I'd had to take out most personal affects to make room for wash cloths, bed pads, foamy toothbrushes and a washing basin. Above the bed where a print had once hung there were bags of saline and morphine. The bedside table was gone and a large beige corduroy papasan chair was positioned so that the caregiver could read or nap while sitting with him.

It blows me away that it's been eight years since I started that first countdown - at this time, on this day eight years ago, my sister and I were in her truck taking Dale to see his general practitioner in Innisfail. I'd be told that he had a week or so left, and he did indeed pass on a week later.

Today I'm building a little compost bin in the back yard. I think it'll be a good day.

a conversation about journalspace

Em came home from school yesterday, exclaiming "Oh my God! I was filling out forms today and had to give my social teacher your email."

I was sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop open, Jamie was making something to drink by the fridge, having come over to finish packing.

"When she looked at it, she said 'Becomingkate?' and I said 'yeah' and she said 'oh my God I used to follow her on journalspace!'"

I looked up over my reading glasses. "Journalspace?! What did you say?" I asked.

"Nothing! I just looked at her like this. Oookayyy."

"I didn't know there was anyone from here that followed me at JS," I said, surprised.

Jamie walked over. "Me either!! Small world, hey?"

Indeed! I have so many happy memories of journalspace. There were so many people whose lives I really cared about, and so many people that followed my posts from the time I'd first met Bill. Some of the very first I remember meeting was Silent Whisper, Wizardress, Tammy and Kittywoman.

Remember Smotlock? He was definitely one of a kind, love him or hate him.

I really enjoyed photography blogs, or blogs with the writer pouring out their hearts, or sharing their stories of every day life with family and friends. It's true that at the end of the day, I would much rather leave a nice, encouraging comment than a contrary one, but most of the time my comments were like a friendly wave as I weaved through link after link of friends posts.

Maybe now that I have weekends off, I can keep up with the awesome friends I have here and at various other blogsites.

Have a good weekend.

sunday again, already?

photographer unknown

It's a beautiful Sunday today, 10 C°!
Bill is in the front yard fixing the truck (fuel pump) the kids are downstairs cleaning, and I'm trying to figure out what to make for supper on Tuesday night. Bill's sister and BIL are coming for supper and will see our house for the first time!

I love having people over for dinner. It's one of the only times our family will pull together to do a major clean (floors, entranceway, windows, bathrooms - it's a Spring Clean every time!)

Update on Em: She's doing very well and so is Bill; in fact, there is a sense of freedom in the house that we have never had before. Tina's death kind of set off some memories for me (which kind of surprised me) but I went for my yearly physical on Friday and the doc gave me some Xanax to handle the anxiety.

I'll probably pick it up on Monday, not sure if I'll try it at all during the school day but save it for afterward - the last thing I want is to fall asleep while I'm supposed be working on geometry.

I'm off to finish the meatballs. Happy Sunday!

teenage angst and me

Saturday mornings aren't usually a quiet time around here and today is no exception. Getting a twelve year to clean her room and do her laundry while she tries to play Sims on her PS2 can be a little frustrating. If it weren't for the thirty or forty minutes between cycles I'd make her keep busy with something else. *sigh*

This particular age is frustrating to begin with because I find myself repeating what I've said over and over and I don't remember doing this before. To be honest, Jamie was (and still is) pretty lazy throughout her teenage years. She'd hear what I said but choose to ignore it. With Em, she'll do what I ask but make me crazy in the process.

I know that some parenting experts say leave them alone and let them face the concequences, but every parent knows that the consequence takes more of your energy than just making them do what they're supposed to in the first place. In my case, this means going over (again & again) why lights need to be separated from darks, why sheets need to be washed regularly, and why using two different towels every day means you'll be doing an extra load of laundry when it comes time to do your chores on Saturday.

Thankfully, Em has a hair appointment this afternoon and that will be fun for her and save the day for all of us, because she'll look and feel great after a colour and cut.

Isn't it amazing what a beauty day can do?

bags and girl bonding

photo by Piotr Myrlak

The weather has been beautiful for the last week, and that has made a huge difference in my day, since I paid for my math class instead of putting a down payment on a car. At the time, I wondered if I would come to regret it but so far I haven't.

In the morning I walk to the end of my street to get on the bus and it drops me off a few feet from the front door, after I finish my homework at college (I cannot do homework here, there is too much activity that directly involves me) I walk out to the bus stop again. I've got the timing down pat and rarely have to wait, and to be honest, the thought of starting a car in the morning, scraping the windshield, paying for a parking pass, and trying to find a spot in the lot have been keeping me from saving the money.

Well, that and the fact that I was dying for a new purse and a haircut, lol.

I saw Carla on Friday, for the first time in almost eight months. Carla is my stylist and has been for almost five years - she's the only one I've ever found that can cut my bangs razor sharp and straight across. She set up a shop in her house last year and charges me $40, and I was really thrilled to see her. She took at least four inches off the bottom, added some layers, and flat ironed it into perfection.

I'm not sure why we hit it off so well but I think it's because we have had so many of the same experiences. She's a plus sized girl but has been losing weight; she's in love with an alcoholic but won't see him very much while he's actively boozing and because of this she experiences a lot of the despair and loneliness, and she lost her dad last year to cancer. He was 47.

She actually made me cry talking about Dale, which hasn't happened in awhile. It's the way she talks about the loss, I think; matter-of-factly and sad. "It never goes away, does it?" she'd asked. "You think it has," I answered, "then you can picture them as clear as day, healthy, with bright blue eyes and you can see how much they loved you and you realize once again what a huge loss it was. Then it hits you like a ton of bricks."

"No shit. I always feel better after talking to you, hon." By the way, Carla is the only person that I allow to call me "hon". Actually, most of the time she calls me Dahling, but I don't mind, which is odd for me.

I have to take a pic of my new purse! It was my gift to myself the day before I quit Winners, and I'm really liking it!

It's the little things.

yummy gift

Since Bill didn't get paid until after Christmas, and he didn't get everything for me that he'd wanted to, he decided that last night should be Date Night, and that I should pick a restaurant to visit and consider the night to be part of our Holiday Celebrations. I almost always pick a steak house!

It was excellent. We started with scallops and shrimp, moved onto steak with garlic mashed potatoes and caesar salad (me) and salmon (Bill) We had Spicy Caesars and chilly Seabreezes (vodka/pink grapefruit juice/cranberry juice) and it was delicious.

It was very cold outside (-25°C) so we came home early and snuggled up under the blankets. Today we're headed off to the drugstore because I need to pick up some beauty products. Have a good day and stay warm!

Jamie's Bday weekend

Lola, 2008

I can't believe that December is almost over! On Tuesday, Jamie will be twenty-one years old, then a few days later it'll be Christmas.

I have most of the shopping done, although I still have to get Jamie one more thing for Christmas and I have to figure something out for Bill. We've all had so many sacrifices this year (he sold his Xbox360, as well as both his Serius radios) so maybe I'll replace the radio. He always enjoyed the Talk Radio.

After the holidays we have to concentrate on getting the mortgage caught up, which should be simple enough with all of Bill's overtime and my hours at the off-price store. I'm also looking forward to getting a car on Tuesday! It's going to be a little tight because the insurance agency and the car dealership are nowhere near each other. I'm going to be bussing it out to the highway for the car, so I'll have to stop at the insurance place first to pay some kind of credit so that I can do business by fax. Then I work from 1:30 - 10:00. Long day!

Today Em and I are bussing it to the South End to pick up a few things, then bussing it to the North End to meet up with Jamie, who is working with a crazy part-timer at Body Shop. That's the problem with retail - you just don't know someone is nuts until a few weeks later. Then it's too late to do much of anything, unless they get caught stealing or something. After that, Bill will join us and we'll decide if we should eat out to celebrate Jamie's 21st birthday, or come home and make Shepard's Pie, like she requested. It'll be up in the air, depending on the time.

Happy Sunday!