Thursday, February 12, 2009


back; Shane and Sensei Marr
front; Al and Dale circa 1997

Today, Dale would have been 42 years old. There would have been twelve days in which I was three years older than he was and he would have teased me a lot about that, but then he'd have his birthday and we'd be back to being two years apart.

Most years, my birthday would have been a quiet occasion, just as it is now. The end of January always meant paying rent and catching up on utilities, but by mid-February we'd have enough to do something. One year his company gave him a gift certificate to West Edmonton Mall so we booked a room at the Fantasyland Hotel. It was a fantasy room with a big yellow truck, and Dale and I slept in the box while Jamie slept in the cab. If I remember correctly, there was also a jacuzzi tub in the corner of the room. Out in the mall, we wandered around, went bowling, and tried fried alligator on Bourbon Street.

Those were the happier days with him. Of course, because he's been gone since 2002, he'll always be 35, and I am now nine years older than he'll ever be. Today I'll think about him on and off, but I probably won't acknowledge it in any other way. I am happy that I met and fell in love with him, and the path I was on led me directly to Bill, so who am I to question the universe?

I am SO happy that tomorrow is Friday, which is payday! I won't be getting a lot of commission, but it'll be enough to cover the last installment of house insurance, thank god.


  1. it's not easy to lose someone. i'm glad that you have the courage to move on. peace.

  2. I am sorry for your loss, Kate. You just reminded me of my high school sweetheart, who I dated for nearly 8 years. She died in 1996 at the age of 36 due to complications from diabetes. Had I married her, which was my plan from the age of 14, I would have been a widower at the age of 34. But, life took our paths in different directions and I was spared that pain.

    I'm so glad you're happy now and living life to its fullest.

  3. Yes. Thank the Friday greenback. One less person is sleeping under a bridge this weekend. SHEESH it's sad to see so many losing their homes around us. On the plus side it makes those of us who struggle, financially, feel grateful: "at least we've still got this little bit here!"

    Is Timbook2 saying it's painless to lose a love when you didn't marry her? (Not sure -- living together would make the heart grow fonder or farther apart; depending on how the couple communicates) but I mourn any time I see a stray dog run over on the side of the road. My gawd. Death just feels WRONG (glad I know it's not "the end" and it's only a vacation-type "see ya later" for a temporary farewell).

  4. ST - I think he meant that time since they'd been together lessened the blow. I understand that. I've had three other lovers die before Dale, one in a car accident, one suicide and one murder. It brought shock, but no mourning.

    I hope I never lose this house! It's my first one, and it took so much to get it.

  5. Please allow me to clarify. My high school sweetheart and I last saw each other in October of 1983 when I lived in California. That's when we broke up and I moved to Illinois.

    She died in 1996 and I didn't even find out about it until two years after she was gone.

    We hadn't seen or spoken to each other since 1983.

    So, by the time I found out about her death I hadn't had any contact with her in roughly 15 years, and as I said, she had already been gone two years by then.

    So yes, I was saddened to learn of her death, but not devastated like I would have been if she had been my wife or a close friend.

    Kate's right, the years and the distance between us lessened the blow and I was therefore spared the kind of pain I would have otherwise had to deal with if we had been together all those years.

  6. Geez, Kate, you and I could get together and swap stories. But you are spot on with somehting. Regret nothihng. What you have faced and dealt with in the past is the path that lead you to today. Good on ya, live, love and laugh.

  7. Your blog post today, being so close to the day I lost Mike, and so close to Valentines Day and also my birthday on Feb 16, made me realize again how we deal with loss and move on or don't, how those memories will always be a part of our life, thought on but not dwelt on and I especially liked the part where you said that Dale put you on a path to meet Bill. I like thinking of that.

    Also, where you said Dale will always be 35 to you, and your banter back and forth about age and birthdays. Mike and I did that, me telling him he'd always be older than me, etc. Now, for me too, he will always be 58, and I will be 57 in a few days...soon will be older than he...

    I miss him dearly, and think of him more on these days surrounding Valentines Day, my birthday and the day of his passing, than on our anniversary or his birthday. I think part of that was, our last days together were so perfect-a weekend away in Pennsylvania's Amish country, showing our cats, eating at a little french bistro and valentines and birthday gifts.

    One of the bittersweet things I did after he died, was go shopping with my mom, to Coldwater Creek, to buy some nice things for myself with the gift certificate he had given me just a few weeks earlier for my birthday.

    Love is the stuff inside...

    Teri and the cats of Furrydance

  8. Teri - I apologize for not responding sooner. I appreciate your comment and have been thinking of you these last tweo days. I'll pop over to say hello.