Wednesday, April 15, 2009
more than paper
The more connections you and your lover make, not just between your bodies, but between your minds, your hearts, and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship.
- Barbara De Angelis
Whenever Bill and I are out and about running errands, we often listen to CBC Radio just to see what's going on. Must be an age thing, because I wouldn't have been caught dead listening to CBC Radio in my youth! At any rate, we were out and about last night. Bill's hair needed trimming and we needed to pay the cell bill, so that I can get calls about the jobs I've applied for.
In between, we went for coffee and wandered around Canadian Tire before getting in the truck to head south so that we could get some vegetables and stop at the bank. That's when we heard the story of this girl who'd been living with her boyfriend for nine years, and was interviewing all her friends and family. It seemed as though each time someone in her circle got married, she'd long to do it herself. She started wondering, why did she want to marry? What was it about marriage that she wanted? At the same time, her longtime boyfriend was digging in his heels, trying to avoid the subject with her, or used the "it's just a piece of paper" explanation.
Is it really? Well, my first thought is, if you don't believe in marriage to start with, the only difference is going to be the piece of paper. I used to say that in my early twenties, after my first marriage failed. For the record, my first marriage failed because I didn't marry for the right reasons. My second marriage ended when my husband died, but if it hadn't been for the alcoholism, I would have considered it a successful marriage.
My marriage to Bill is my third one, so obviously, I have come to believe in it.
Marriage is the ultimate partnership. When it comes to love, family, money and sex, a marriage is the ultimate in commitment. I'm sure there are people that would say a person can commit without marriage, and I suppose that is true to a degree, but ultimately, if you're not willing to say the vows and sign the contract, something is holding you back. In your heart of hearts, you know the reason why.
If you're married but it's not working, that doesn't mean you have to become jaded and consider it a bad thing altogether. One day, you might be surprised, if you meet the right person.
To marry or not to marry, only you can say. But to Bill and I, it's much more than a piece of paper. It's a declaration, and it was one of the nicest things we've ever done for one another. Say what you will about the legalities, but to me it's not about that. I guess it all comes down to a feeling. A connection.
I'm such a romantic.