Thursday, June 18, 2009

companionship vs. love



I'm a huge romantic at heart. I believe in soulmates, passion, love and commitment, and I don't think it has to be boring or a lot of work. In fact, when everything lines up just right, even the usual monotony can feel like contentment.

At any rate, I was listening to the radio on the way home from the office, and a gentleman was saying that he thinks it's very courageous when someone knows that a relationship isn't going to go long term, and walks away. I agree - I remember being in a few relationships where I knew it wouldn't work.

Still, it can take some time. It took me several months before I could break up with Pat, and eight months to break up with Jamie's dad. Both times I had to find a place to live and in the latter, I had to find childcare.

Of course, there are always some people who stay together for companionship, and I rarely ever judge those that do. I've been there, and I know how lonely life can get. On the other hand, the loneliest I've ever been has been when I was in a relationship with no love.

I guess it depends on which would be worse for where you are in your life.

22 comments:

  1. Well said. I think we are all in need of companionship and family and love and sometimes the need can get in the way of clarity
    Linda

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  2. I was married to a soulmate for about two years, it was a ride, I know she was a soulmate, without question. She did not feel the same. Took a long time to get over, but i would do it all again. Even knowing the ending.

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  3. Wish you a success in progressing towards your goal.

    Have a blessed day everyday,

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  4. You are so right. Better to be lonely alone than lonely with someone.

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  5. I agree companionship is important but at in my heart I am a romantic as well. One of my favorite things is the that special feeling you get when you think about a new love or even an old love. There is a song in Spanish I adore that says (loosely translated), "...an old love is never forgotten or gone, just distant but always present..."

    I love it because it's true,there's usually something good you can recall of an old love - if you truly loved them that is.

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  6. Love is such a complicated emotion. Adult relationships are just as complex.

    Fear of being alone and lonely. Fear of financial ruin and the loss of security. Even fear of an empty bed and sexual frustration.

    How many times have I seen people break up and get back together simply for financial and sexual needs? So many times that I've lost count.

    I have felt all of those feelings and insecurities in one form or another.

    In my own situation I do not push, because I have no leverage. At my age, I fear financial ruin above all else, except perhaps terminal illness and death. So, I wait.

    Romance? Well. That's all locked up in the vault for now. Bummer. :(

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  7. The loneliest I have ever been is in a relationship without that love. I agree with that so much and walking away is not courage but true emotional honesty. Honour might be a good word for it. As well as that, please add me to the list of true unapologetic romantics

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  8. A long term relationship is too me like a dance. You come close then you move apart. That thing called love if it is really love. No matter what it never really goes away. Sometimes it just goes into hidding.
    Roz

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  9. Well for me the loneliest time of my life was in my first marriage during the depths of his depression -- being alone with the person you love the most on the world living in the same house was just stunning.
    I know I would have never just got involved with someone where I did feel the same passion. I am passionately in love with my new husband - its a different passion but perfect for this phase of my life.

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  10. It is a work in progress keeping the romance alive. My husband and I have our drought periods. I think it's time for us to prioritize our couple time again:)

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  11. I don't know if I believe in magic and romance and all that. I know that a relationship is hard work that takes commitment and firm decisions. I think I've been with too many romantic partners who made my earth move only to be hurt and rejected.

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  12. I would rather be alone than in an empty relationship. So, I guess you could say I got my wish...

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  13. I learn of these feelings through your journal.

    I have not experienced them first hand however.

    It seems very scary Kate.

    Love,
    Bobby

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  14. We may walk away from the dysfunction but we never forget the fun parts. At least I don't -- and in every relationship there has been some sort of joyous lesson even if it was simply laughing at what a moron that person was, later on (and what an idiot I was for dating him). (-;

    LIVE AND LEARN. I'm just thankful to the Gods that I'm with Doug now (healthy relationship: big breath of fresh air).

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  15. I have watched my mom walk away from two marriages and realize now how much courage that took her. Especially when she had to face being an only parent. But now she's married to an amazing man who takes care of her and loves her the way she deserves to be loved... she's not settling... even though she could have.

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  16. at one time all my (serious) relationships began with love and companionship. But then one or both got lost. I kept trying to keep my marriage going for 22 yrs then couldn't anymore (self preservation). My daughter has just left her hubby to avoid making MY mistake (she's married 7 years).

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  17. Great post. In all my relationships in the past, I always wanted love. I often knew if it would work or not and often not but I tried to hard sometimes.

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  18. I think that for the most part, we do what we can for the person we are now. I'm much wiser than I was when I was younger, but I have lived so much. Thank you all!

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  19. You and me both: much wiser than when younger (thank the Gods we survived it). :D

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  20. I have mixed emotions about this, but on the surface, I'll take substance and commitment over romance.

    Good post Kate.

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  21. I agree with you (and the man on the radio)... walking away is so very hard. But I've always said that I'd rather be unhappy and alone than to be unhappy because of someone else (i.e., a man).

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