Monday, June 22, 2009
not the momma
I've been struggling a little in the last few months with Em.
It's not that she is any different than any other twelve year old girl, but I truly feel the absence of a bond. Mothers will know what I mean - you can love a child and care deeply how happy they are, but the frustration that goes with loving someone who is going through one of the most self-centered stages of their lives is overwhelming.
I find myself doing the same thing I did with Jamie at that age - pick that up, put that away, why is there nail polish on the coffee table, whose bra is this, stop wasting food, save your money, have a shower, eat some real food and with it comes the denials and the eye rolling.
When Jamie hated me at that age, I knew the relationship would recover, but this is my first step-child and I hate it that right now she hates me. I hate that I try to avoid too much time with her and she tries to avoid too much time with me.
I hate that I am the only one to stay after her on this. Bill works so much, it really is up to me. I think I need to take her out to lunch so we can talk about all this openly. *sigh*