Sunday, June 14, 2009

baby mama

Jamie got a call from an old friend the other day, the girl she was extremely close to as a child. Mickie grew up in a strange home, but that was mostly due to her own mom, who struggled to fit into the usual mother role.

It all started when she'd broken up with her long term bf, run away to another province, and came back when things went to shit there. Ben took her back, even though she was pregnant with another man's child, and he raised Mickie as his own. A few years later they had Mickie's sister and carried on as a family.

The thing was, Ben loved Mickie's mom so much more than she loved him. Over the years it became apparent to everyone in their circle, and unfortunately, to their children. Noni had birthday parties for her kids, but often embarrassed the girls by smoking weed with men friends in the adjoining rooms and scaring some of the young guests. Eventually they started swinging, although I can't imagine it was Ben's idea. Mickie was pissed when she caught her mom sleeping with the dad of one of her good friends, but things got worse when she realized both her mom and dad were having cyber sex with other couples.

By this time she was fifteen and had realized that she could use her looks and her body to get things that she wanted, but to be honest she mostly wanted to party. I can't blame her for that! Many people I know, including myself, have gone through years of clubbing and experimenting with drugs, and certainly, many young moms I knew brought in babysitters and didn't go home for days. I wasn't one of those. I liked being in my own bed and usually had to work the next day, and besides, I always felt sorry for those kids.

At any rate, it wasn't a surprise that Mickie was the first of their group to become pregnant and keep the baby, and it hasn't been so shocking that she is still struggling to keep everything together - there has been the on & off relationship with the baby's dad, as well as a plan for Mickie to attend school. I hear she'd like to be a make-up artist, which sounds like something she'd be great at. But in between making all these plans is this ten month baby girl, who is caught up in the lives of two young kids.

Their friends betray them by sleeping with one or the other, they run off for a week at a time, leaving the baby behind with Noni, or Mickie's little sister, who is graduating from high school this year. There's name calling and accusations and hard feelings and all the other drama that goes on with baby mamas.

This past Thursday, we got the call from Mickie, who needed someone to watch her little girl while she dealt with more stuff from the baby's dad. Jamie and I picked her up, took her with us on errands, and played with her at home. Bill fell in love with her! It was fun. For the most part, she is very well cared for. She had clean, well fitting clothes, plenty of bottles and diapers, and she was smiley even though she missed her mama and cried for her from time to time.

I wish with all my heart, that Mickie gets to stop the cycle with this little girl. I hope things turn around for her and things go well, and that she can set a different example than the one she followed. It still freaks me out that she actually has a child, because I cannot picture Jamie with one! But I wish only the best for her.


  1. what a complicated situation! Those poor girls...all of them.

  2. What a beautiful child! Life can be so complicated when we do not see clearly

  3. Life is sad out there for lots of families but it is always good when they know they have somebody they can trust to turn to.

  4. I am not quite sure I should say this, because it is a little harsh and I may have misunderstood the story you tell here.

    As you probably know from reading my blog, I am not a particularly religious man. But I have a great respect for a religious woman...Mother Teresa. One of her observations is apropos here I think. It has to do with how we treat our children. And as a father, I keep it in mind always.

    Her quote: "It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish." The dying she refers to, of course, is not physical, but mental.

    Children deserve our attention, fully. We brought them into the world, and they are our responsibility, even to the detriment of our own desires.

    Just sayin'.

  5. Dorrie - I really feel for all of them! And wish that Noni had had someone to help her stay true to her kids.

    Linda - she is the sweetest child! She was a little scared of me, which hurt my feelings, lol.

    mr-stu: Jamie and I were talking about that. The baby hasn't stayed with anyone but family prior to this, so Jamie was glad to be there for her.

    jj - absolutely! Unfortunately, many of us don't learn that until we're more mature. I went out a lot when Jamie was young, but my late husband and I took turns staying home (he stayed home on Ladies Nite and I stayed home for the Friday karate class)
    The girl in the story was abandoned to their long haul driving dad when she was 16 and her little sister 14, so it wasn't a surprise when she started making bad decisions.
    The family is trying to pull together for this little girl - I hope it all works out.

  6. This was heartbreaking to read, but it is wonderful that you are a presence in their lives. That can only be a good thing!

  7. This broke my heart and I too find myself hoping for Mickie and for this beautiful child. Maggs

  8. aww she is so adorable.Reece is my world.Everything in my life revolves around him and for him.I'm not perfect by any means but when you have children you really gotta try and get it together.

  9. What must life be like for a little girl hurled into the whirlwind of adulthood? It is difficult for me to grasp being a parent and God has given me the advantage of age and patience. My heart goes out to her.

  10. I think the most important part is when you said "I wish with all my heart, that Mickie gets to stop the cycle with this little girl."

    Being such a rule follower (boring sometimes) I put my son first and foremost in our lives. Like you and your late husband we shared the duties and if he wasn't with us he was with my parents or a qualified babysitter.

    Its something people need to learn (and its is happening currently in our family) when we have these gorgeous gifts we can no longer be selfish - they come first and if we take care of ourselves it comes naturally to do well by the children.

    I hope to read someday that Mickie is doing fabulous, successful and raising this beautiful child to break the cycle.

  11. You know I was a single parent. I left the preacher spouse to save my children from sexual abuse . . .

    My whole life, after that, was completely focused on raising them to become healthy and socially adjusted adults. Only after my divorce did I realize how much other adults screwed around on one another and it was terribly disturbing to me to learn it.

    I will never understand someone who puts their moments of pleasure above the well-being of a child in their care. Truly. So good that the baby had time with adoring adults around her. You did good.

  12. Wild post. It would be hypocritical of me to say anything about the drugs, did more than my share, but WTF? Swinging? Cyber sex? How the hell do you have cyber sex anyway? "Ooo, baby, take off your panties! Yeah, that's it!" Christ, I'd be laughing my ass off. Oh well.

    Yeah, this kid needs a break.


  13. Thanks everyone! Burst I agree. Maggs, I've been following her story and I hope she does well.
    ST - I think they'd given up, but those poor girls still needed them.
    Fred - cyber sex is mostly due to the webcam.
    Mike - she is a little beauty, with an easy smile.