coming down

photo courtesy of Ron Chavez

Things had calmed down somewhat from the night before, but by yesterday afternoon I continued to resent Bill for comparing me to Lacey. If a call came in for me to fix something on his paperwork, or if I thought I might have to do something that would normally fall into his area of responsibility, I would start to feel miserable immediately.

At four-thirty, I left the office thinking that I'd gas up and deliver a few cylinders to the dentist office and a guy out near Sylvan Lake, but after getting to the gas station I realized that I hadn't brought the delivery notices or an invoice book and couldn't do either because I was too distracted.

Now Bill gets kind of frustrated with me because of the 24 hour turnaround time it takes me to calm down; for him something can be over five minutes later and he can go on as if nothing was said. Unfortunately, when someone questions my ability to do something it takes me a bit longer to calm down. Yesterday and the evening before all I could do is inventory my successes, all the things that both myself and my new co-worker have accomplished, against what I haven't completed yet. I called him from the gas station, miserable.

"So you really feel like things were better before?!" I asked, trying not to cry.

"No Kate," he said, frustration spilling into his tone. "It was a mistake to go down that road last night, I shouldn't have done it and I didn't mean to do it. If we start it all over again today it'll all go to shit like it did last night."

"But why would you say it if you didn't mean it?"

"I was frustrated. I really appreciate everything you and Marianne are doing."

"You didn't mean it."

"No."

"Okay."

Bill went to pick up his nephew, so that they could take in a Rebel's game (local hockey) and I got Em and Jamie and took them out for chinese food and got them some clothes for school.

I hope that on Monday, I can get back some of the enthusiasm I had for the job before all this stuff went down. I like the job when I think I'm making a difference. Not just to Bill but to my clients. Oh, and the good part of it so far? My paycheque was actually bigger than his. That's awesome.