jamie grows up, em isn't far behind

Emily and friend, Oct 2010

Merry Christmas!

The countdown is on now that there's only a few days left until Jamie's birthday. She'll be twenty-two!! For those of you from journalspace, you may remember that she was sixteen when I first started blogging. Now, she's living on her own in a rental house over by the college; she's working part time at an accessories store and taking several classes, which should be finished by now. She recenty got word that her student loan was approved and that will really make a huge difference! Last semester she and I paid for all her classes with cash so she had to be careful how much she was spending and when her classes were taking place so that they wouldn't interfere with work. Now, she'll be scheduling her work around her classes.

Bill and I are particularly proud of the way that Jamie bounces back from problems in her life, without the use of drugs, alcohol or sex. Not all of her friends and colleagues can say that, unfortunately. Even Bill and I can't say that!

Last winter, directly after the holidays, she broke up with her BF of a year because he just didn't care enough. She wanted someone who wanted to see her every day; wanted to come over for dinner or to just to hang out. She wanted a man who didn't have mommy issues and who wanted to help lift the burdens of every day life and he wasn't it. In the past I may have worried that she'd have low self-esteem and hook up with an abusive guy but I shouldn't have. She won't lower herself for anyone and I love that.

Bill and I are doing well at work, but we have a new area manager and he's been a challenge. He's some kind of wonderboy sent to us from Dubai (through our head offices in Paris) and appointed by the President of the company himself. The first day I met him he questioned my company vehicle (my status does not indicate the need for a vehicle as nice as this) and warned me that the January 15th end date of my contract was "looming."

"Looming?"

"Yes," he replied in a posh, french-and-something-else-accent. "You will have to prove yourself to me."

Yikes!!

Still, things have been improving and I hope that Wonderboy offers me a permanent contract in January. If he doesn't, both Bill and I will be looking for work elsewhere.

Speaking of work, Em is doing an eight hour shift around the house today. On Friday I gave her $80 to do some Christmas shopping and she lost it at the mall (this is the third time out of five Christmasses she's been here) and she's working from 11-7 so that she understands what an eight hour shift is like. She'll get a half hour break at 3 pm, but otherwise she's working right through as though she was actually at a real job. Obviously, we feel she doesn't appreciate what a full work day is like and we want her to experience that. After the first hour, she started watching the clock, lol.

Happy Sunday!

the raven and the crow

one of several tattooes that Bill is looking at

Throughout that long fall season and once again through the winter, the widow suffered withdrawal of her dead husband. She suffered even though she'd taken up with someone new (as an afterthought, she wondered if he might be too young, but in the end thought him to be mentally ill and couldn't deal with another psychotic) and so let him go. Not that that was easy, since he seemed to be hanging on with all his might; he may not have wanted her for anything more than security and a free ride to work but that was quite a lot in his eyes!

After the dust settled, the widow set about doing two things in tandem; finding out who she really was, as she'd been adopted, and finding another partner (a better partner) so that she'd feel complete(even though everyone told her that was silly, she could be complete on her own.)

Discovering herself was easy, as every day that passed taught her that she was much stronger than originally surmised. She found that each day as she got up and got dressed and went about her business, she was learning. First, that the world in general viewed her as someone different than she was before. Somehow less than before. Also, she learned that a huge percentage of her socio-economic group did not know how to deal with the illness or death, and for that she was somewhat ostrasized.

This gave the widow an opportunity to look a little closer in the mirror, and during the next few months she discovered that her anscestors were from Haida Gwaii, and she was born from a very long, very old branch of the aboriginal peoples of Northern British Columbia, the Tshimshian. More research seemed to say she was from the Raven Clan, and she was not surprised to learn that the women were often shamans and soul doctors.

During this time, the widow continued to suffer the seperation from her (now) long dead husband. She had received a few visits from him during the first year, once at ten months and then again two months later (to proclaim his lasting love and to gift her with the northern lights, Aurora Borealis) but nothing since. Yet she continued to feel a strong connection, a presence, a yearning, and one day when she could stand it no more she cried out. "Please!" she begged of him, tears dampening her cheeks. "Please, let me go; I don't have the strength... Please, if you love me, let me go." She cried until she was dry, and continued on home.

Weeks passed and turned into months and the widow felt a subtle shifting in her day to day life and her ability to sleep at night. She still felt her dead husband from time to time but it was almost peripheral and nothing solid. She noticed that the love she carried for him was changing into something softer, more maternal.

Spring came and with the melting of the snow came renewed hope. The widow, who had never considered herself different, began to embrace the idea that different might be good.

And the following month, she met the man whose grandmother considered herself a healer in life and a crow in death. A medicine man in his own right, he had eyes that changed from gray to green and a way with touch that healed animals and calmed the emotions of the people he loved.

Each had followed a parallel path that led to the other, and to this day they travel along together; the raven and the crow on a journey with no destination in mind.

monday

I'm not sure where I found the painting, so I apologize in advance for not knowing the artist. It's so pretty, I must have used it as a wallpaper at one time or another.

Anyway, things have been going very well these last few days. I got hooked on a Showtime show called The United States of Tara. I watched both seasons online and can't wait until the show returns in 2011. I love the quirky, intense characters and unusal storylines.

My parents gifted us with a 1/4 of beef!
For those who may not know, that is 250 lbs of ground beef, roasts, ribs, steaks (including the tenderloin) and stew meat. It almost completely filled our 7 cubic foot freezer. What an awesome gift, I just couldn't thank them enough.

Rogue is adapting well. She's eight weeks old but still only two pounds! She's been treated for all the fleas and other nasty disorders (including an eye problem and intestinal problem) and totally accepts us as her clan, poor kitty.

time for another camera

For the last several months I've been in denial about my digital camera. It cost me almost four hundred dollars six years ago, and because of that I have always placed such major value on it.

When the shutter started sticking, it didn't matter; I just pried it apart with my fingertip. Last fall when we had to remove the program that uploads the photos, I remember thinking that I could find the driver online.

Last week when we got the new kitten, Rogue, I tried taking a few photos but to no avail. Not only does the button stick, but the computer won't recognize the device to upload the photos.

I believe it's time to get something new. I still can't afford to get the type of camera I'd like, but a pocket digital will satisfy my need to post pics on blogspot and facebook.

Have a nice Sunday!

embrace change!

I hate change.

I struggled with it for years until my late husband died, then I had no choice whatsoever - to me, it was either get used to the change; in fact embrace the change, or lay down and die as well.

Sounds harsh, but that was the truth. Death hovered near my door for nearly eighteen months, with a tiny little flicker of hope burning away in the back of my mind. I had to face all the issues I couldn't (or wouldn't) face before - my co-dependency, my complacency, my selfishness. My home and my work area reflected how I felt for all those years. If I took something out, I left it out. If I opened a door, I left it open. If something fell on the floor, it stayed there.

As time passed after Dale's death, I felt that change was something I needed to embrace. I left my job and changed industries altogether; insurance was something that interested me because of the service and maintenance aspect. I loved my office and my co-workers, loved the suits and the snappy SUV, and I just adored the shoes!!

Alas, I couldn't sustain the required continuous prospecting. BUT, I learned through my experience with insurance that when it comes to mountains of paperwork, organization is key.

My working life is much easier now. It's not that I don't have moments from the past (just yesterday I misplaced a file) but for the most part I have accepted this new order of things. My house, my car and my office space reflect this.

My office partner has yet to see the light. I spent three hours cleaning her space for the arrival of the new manager yesterday, and within the same amount of time it was all back to piles of paper and trails of equipment.

In the afternoon, she told someone that it will be difficult changing twenty-five years of bad habits, and with that attitude, she's right. Wish me luck.

admitting defeat

Now that our family cat, Tokyo, has been gone for over seven weeks, we're finally admitting that something may have happened to her. We're afraid that she went into the hay field to the east of us and that means eagles and coyotes would have had a chance to get her.

If that happened, I hope and pray it was fast. I miss her.

On Sunday, we brought back a little grey tabby kitten from the farm. She's about five or six weeks old and very cute! After having her in the house for a few hours, we've decided to call her Rogue. She might be little, but she's tough!

Pics to follow. Now it's time for me to get back to work!

sunday sunday

random flower pic, I collect them for ideas next spring!

I'm feeling a little frustrated with my newest client, Mrs. Bodwell.

I first saw her on Thursday, and spent well over ninety minutes showing her how to use the concentrator, the cylinders, and the regulator. The next morning, the respiratory therapist showed her everything again, and on Saturday morning I went over and showed her again.

It's very important to me that these clients feel comfortable using everything, but I am picking up a different vibe from this lady! At least half a dozen times during each demonstration, she would start to say how upset she was that she had to use oxygen therapy, that she refused to wear the cannula or carry the little O2 cylinder down to the games room, that she called her Dr (who is very important and flies back and forth from New York) and he said she didn't have to wear it to dinner; I would reiterate that she can only do what she's going to do but it was still very important to learn how to take care of herself and her lung health. If she eventually decided to use oxygen therapy outside her room, she'd want to know how to use the regulator.

Last night I got another call from her.

"Kathy? I'm in big trouble!"

"What's happening, Mrs. Bodwell?"

"I can't get the oxygen to shut off. I wore it to play cards, and now that I'm home it won't shut off. I am just so confused by all this! Can you come by and show me again?"

"Absolutely, Mrs. Bodwell. However, I think you could use some family support with this and would like to show one of your daughters. I may not always be able to come over and it'll be important that they know."

"I'm not sure when they're available..."

"I'm very open to whatever time they're available, as long as I'm available."

"I tried turning it clockwise like you said..."

To be honest, I have a suspicion that she's building up a case against using it, but I have to keep persuing the family training. Once you've done the individual training three times and they're not retaining it you've got to move on because there are hundreds of clients to take care of and it becomes the family's responsibility.

In this case, she's very lucid; she's active, she has friends inside the nursing home, she sews and plays cards and knows exactly what she wants (she had her daughter picking up a flat screened, HD TV while I was there) so I know that it comes down to

A) a mental block (or)
B) manipulating someone - the docs, the family, or me.

I remember how upset my mum was the year the docs told her she'd be on blood pressure medication, possibly for the rest of her life. I wondered if we'd have trouble keeping her compliant! In the end, she knew the meds were going to help her and after a few weeks, it was rarely mentioned again.

I have an appointment with Mrs. Bodwell and her daughter on Monday, and I hope it works the same way.

Speaking of Mum, it's her 82nd birthday today! We're headed out to see her in an hour or so.

Have a nice Sunday!

okay, that's a start.

Well, at a little before 4:30 today, my co-worker, Marianne, had our boss on speakerphone and came right out and asked whether I would still have a job tomorrow.

"Oh yes! Please have her show up tomorrow! I've been meaning to let you know that I put in a request to extend her contract; I can't do much else because there is a new area manager and he'll have to make a call on permanent full time."

Okay then ... I'm just so happy to continue getting these paycheques. I got a pink slip in my water bill last week (that is our city's way of saying last chance before disconnection) and I was able to pay it today. Yay!

I wish I didn't have to work so many hours, but there isn't much I can do, for now. When I get the chance, I'd like to start looking into the competition. I heard from a respiratory therapist today who might be interested in hiring me to help him start a company from the ground up and that would be exciting! A therapist from my company passed on my phone number in case this company wasn't going to keep me on. The offer wouldn't be on the table until 2011, but the networking has started already and I'm a huge believer in networking.

Jamie's still doing great at her college classes but she's mad at me right now and I haven't spoken to her since Saturday night. To be honest, I know why she's mad but there are some things I can do and some things I can't do and I can't sweat the little things. In this case, she thinks we had a "fight" but we didn't - she hung up on me and I'm over it. Hopefully she calls me back tomorrow because today was payday and I usually get her coffee money, books or cash for some of her classes and this tantrum is putting the kibosh on that, lol.

Em's on restriction because she was less than forthcoming about the number of missing assignments she has to date (four as of parent-teacher interviews) and we also discovered that Em has been disrupting math & science classes by talking and has been moved a few times already. The next step is to move her to a table alone, we're hoping she'll be able to control herself and show more respect for her teacher and her classmates before that happens. Seems like she's already improving, thank goodness.

I'm off to clean off my desk before leaving the office for the day. Have a nice evening!

commitment

The last few weeks have been so busy that I haven't had an opportunity to blog or to read blogs. I've thought about everyone though; particularly since the JS crowd has been posting like crazy on Facebook!

I usually get a chance to have coffee and blog on Saturday mornings, but last week our boss in Edmonton wanted us to work Saturday so that we could get a head start on inventory. Bill, Marianne and I showed up around 10:30 and stayed 'til just about 5:00, counting C-Pap machines and oxygen therapy equipment. To be honest, it's been a nightmare.

The woman that ran the office prior to our arrival often lent out machines without documentation, she also cut open bags to take clips or headgear from sets. Also, respiratory therapists come in and take supplies without filling out the proper forms. I have to say, my resentment has truly built up for this company this past two weeks! My temporary contract runs out on Monday and I still have no idea whether they'll be offering me a permanent position or not.

When I brought it up last week, the manager from Edmonton looked up and said, "Oh. Maybe something part time? Would you do that?" I agreed, but for the record, I average over fifty hours per week.

If it comes down to the company not wanting to offer me benefits, so be it. Bill has benefits, I don't need them; but I do need to know that I am valued as an employee. I love my job most days, and I really enjoy taking care of my customers. If I have to, I'll start applying to the competition.

Today I'd like to go see my mom, who's turning 82 next weekend. I got her a very pretty teal coloured cardigan and tank and since you never know when you'll be called out, I'd better take it to her now in case next week doesn't work out.

Have a nice weekend!