Happy Thanksgiving!

It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada and I have a lot to be thankful for!
My parents are all alive and relatively happy, my oldest is in college and working and Bill and Em are doing well and their respective families are all okay.

Em is coping well with the suicide of her mom, which happened in March this year. Since she's turned 13 (in May) we've really stepped up our expectations in regard to how well she cares for her own possessions, how much she helps us around the house and how willing she is to be open about her friends and aquaintences and she's done pretty good. There have been a few times that we've had heated exchanges, but that is to be expected. Man, the teenage years are hard on everyone!!

Jamie is enjoying college but really needs to get out of retail and FAST. She's been trying to do both because she put off asking for a loan, but after her manager started gunning for her (writing her up for almost anything! She's had to refuse to sign a few complaints because they were completely made up) she's decided to resign and is looking for something more part time and hopefully, with a team that doesn't have an ego based manager. Jamie is a lot like me when I was younger, and having such a strong personality doesn't go over very well with managers like that, lol.

This past week was a lot better in terms of work, and I cried only three times, which is an improvement! One of the problems is that I am very sensitive to other people's pain; this is something I have always had and it got worse after Dale's passing. If someone yells at me or treats me badly I must chalk it up to stress or worry, but I am getting better at ignoring it. Remember Mr Avery from last week? He was in the hospital this past Wednesday and I didn't have to deliver any cylinders, but I was awfully worried knowing how he'd been feeling the week before. I can only hope that he recovers okay, or if he can't, that he goes quickly and without pain.

Okay, I'm off to read a few blogs. Happy Thanksgiving to all Canadians!

long darn week

tokyo loved the moniter and the warm modem, which used to sit atop the old desk.

What a rough week.

On Wednesday while I was out in the van, Bill called to see if I had enough cylinders on board to deliver to a man on the south side. Since I knew one of my favourite ladies on the west side hadn't been feeling well and thus hadn't used her oxygen cylinders up, that left one delivery in that area.

I pulled over and called. In the last month, Mrs. Miller had hurt her foot and lay down more, Mr. Miller often forgot to put the empties out and always appreciated a call anyway. Two weeks prior, I had taken her a kit filled with soap and bath puffs from Jamie's store and as I was leaving, Mr. Miller shouted after me, "Make sure you say thanks to your daughter, too!"

The phone rang several times.

"Hi Mr. Miller! It's Kathy calling. How many cylinders will Mrs. Miller need this week?"

"She won't be needing any. She died an hour ago."

Heart sinking

Completely unexpected! His voice was filled with shock, confusion and despair and after saying how sorry I was and making some cursory plans to pick up equipment, I hung up and cried for the next few minutes. I can tell already that I am going to have to keep tissues in my work van! After sniffling for a moment I called Bill to let him know and he was heartbroken as well.

Thursday dawned with the excitement of my second full time paycheque, but after checking online I realized that I'd only been paid for one week, the mortgage had already come out and I was left with enough to pay for haircuts (myself, Jamie and Em cost about $135, tips included) and maybe a few groceries.

Later in the day I was called to Mr. Avery's senior's residence to replace his regulator (the mechanism that brings oxygen from the cylinder into the tubing) and was looking forward to seeing him again. I'd met him the week before, changed out his cylinders and found him to be very friendly. He reminded me of what Tim Robbins might be like, if he were 90 and very frail.

When I arrived at 3:30, he was with a palliative care community nurse who must have mistaken me for a respiratory therapist, because she started asking me about his sats and pulsox and charts and information she'd been promised but which never arrived in time for this appointment. It was meant to arrive through the Hospital Respiratory department, not our company, but I was able to get a house therapist on my cell and get all the numbers she needed. I could feel a lot of tension and confusion in the room and that made me feel as though I would take the brunt of it and I was right. Apparently a recent diagnosis had forced his consumption of oxygen up and he's received a call from WCB asking why he was doubling up on cylinders. (What bastards by the way! Mr Avery suffers from the effects of inhaling asbestos in his working days) He must have been flustered by the call, by the nurses visit, and by the way he was going through oxygen.

"I need a new nose piece!" he'd bark out. "And some tubing. No! Not that long. Pull your hair back! Don't drop it! What do you mean?! Did you do that or not?"

Throughout, I continued with "Yes, absolutely! No problem. Okay, Mr Avery." I gave him two large cylinders free of charge.

As I was saying good-bye, he apologised and I smiled and said I'd see him Wednesday, then went outside and cried.

It's emotionally exhausting some days, which is something I wish that Em would understand, but at thirteen you can't really expect it. That particular day was a bad day for her to start something with me at the mall, particulary after we've spent the last month buying, buying, buying and she was whiny and insistent that it wasn't yet enough. It doesn't take long for that sense of entitlement to kick in for teenagers and I'll always put the kibosh on that! Still, I hope one day that Em realizes she'll avoid a world of trouble if she just watches her tone when she's addressing adults.

Tokyo ran way three days ago and we don't know where she is yet.

Now it's Saturday and we've all made peace again, although we're all worried sick about kitty. Bill and Em are bedroom cleaning and I'm blogging, after having made eggs & toast for breakfast. I have some chicken soup on the stove and I'm going to try my hand at cooking this hard bread that Bill says is such a Newfoundland delicacy. Today is the eighth anniversary of Dale's death, which is hard to believe! Time truly marches on.

Have a wonderful weekend.

disclaimer: all names and locations are changed to protect privacy.

clear communication is key

A rash of miscommunication of late is causing me to get frustrated! Here's an example.

phone rings.

Kate: Hello?

Iris;Resp. Therapist: Hello. I need assessments faxed to my office. Have you heard anything yet on Rebecca Smith?

Kate: Marianne saw her last night. Would you like to speak to her?

Iris: No. Is Cindy there? (our boss)

Cindy: I need for you to set up Rebecca Smith.

Iris: Kate said that Marianne set her up.

cindy: She did? I dunno why she'd say that.

*sigh*

Kate: I didn't say that. I said...

cindy: It doesn't matter.

*sigh* Yes, it does. This type of thing will hurt someone eventually. "Seeing" is not slang for a full oxygen set up. Goodness.

september 26

painting by Stephen Magsig

Next weekend will mark the eighth anniversary of Dale's death. October 2, 2002.

It was at the beginning of last week that I thought, is it someones birthday today? What day is it anyway? and a few moments later I realized that it was the countdown time.

Sept. 14th was the day he announced he was ready to go; he lingered on at our little duplex over by the Michener Centre. I was caring for him there because I'd promised him he wouldn't have to die at the hospital. Those eight hospital stays had taken their toll and he would have no more of it. Honestly, he would have liked to go off on his own to die, on his own terms down to the letter (that was his personality disorder at work) but he acquiesced to me and eventually chose to pass in his own bed, which was a double size platform.

For the first few days we didn't make any changes, he was growing weak but could still be assisted to the en suite bathroom or to lay down on the couch down the hall in the living room. One such day I remember putting a Muddy Waters disc in the stereo. He lay still for a few seconds, with his eyes closed, before whispering, "You are a Goddess."

The following week in our bedroom, I'd had to take out most personal affects to make room for wash cloths, bed pads, foamy toothbrushes and a washing basin. Above the bed where a print had once hung there were bags of saline and morphine. The bedside table was gone and a large beige corduroy papasan chair was positioned so that the caregiver could read or nap while sitting with him.

It blows me away that it's been eight years since I started that first countdown - at this time, on this day eight years ago, my sister and I were in her truck taking Dale to see his general practitioner in Innisfail. I'd be told that he had a week or so left, and he did indeed pass on a week later.

Today I'm building a little compost bin in the back yard. I think it'll be a good day.

lovely morning

It's supposed to be 18 deg C today but feels a lot cooler. Bill and I have been in the kitchen reading the news and playing on Face book since we got up at 10:30, but now that there's a fresh pot of coffee ready, I want to sit back and read blogs.

I know that I have cleaning to do later but I'll probably take advantage of this peacefulness as long as work will allow! The last few weekends have been spent responding to customer calls; a faulty humidifier on a concentrator, an initial oxygen set-up, a traveller low on cylinders.

Last night around eight-thirty I got a call to visit a woman nearby, she was living in a beautiful seniors facility. The entire building is reminiscent of Italy, with it's wide sweeping stone balconies and Italian tiles! Large displays of flowers and beautiful paintings line the gently curving hallway, and each resident has their name engraved on a large square, ceramic tile located to the left of the door.

I was surprised at how small the room was! It was painted in the same, soothing colours as the rest of the building, but resembled a small private hospital room. A tall, frail woman lay in the bed and a middle aged woman, her daughter, stood in the narrow space between the bed and the window. Apparently the cylinder was faulty and we were able to switch it out in no time. The younger woman remarked how her mum kept hovering near death and coming back, to the surprise of doctors and family members alike. We spent twenty minutes making sure they felt comfortable with everything before coming back home.

Today Bill has a trip to Edmonton, to retrieve his own delivery truck from the repair shop. This means that I take over the on-call service, so I'm making him wait until I finish reading a few blogs. It's nice to see that many of my old favourites are back to bloggong again.

Happy Saturday!

I made excellent tai chicken for dinner and now I am too tired to write for long.

Here's Bill and Em from two summers ago.

Bill is thirty pounds lighter (from working so many hours since Christmas) and doesn't have the glasses anymore, and Em is now 5'7".

We need another vacation so that I can update the pics!

Christmas Morning

Em's new Ideapad

That's what it felt like at 9:00 last night, when we gave Em her new Ideapad.

I've wanted to give her one since she came home from her Auntie's house asking if she could use my laptop (nope, sorry) and the best time to get it would be during the month of September when all the back-to-school sales are still going. Bill and I were paid on Wednesday, it took us three days to find the time. Finally, he decided to take Em with him to Edmonton, to drop off his work truck and I took Jamie with me to get the Ideapad and to buy Jamie's textbooks for her college classes.

I can't tell you how satisfying it was to see the look of relief on Jamie's face; her books total hundreds of dollars and she was so worried! Then several hours later, we called Em to the kitchen for a family meeting and presented the little 10" laptop. It was just awesome.

I know that money isn't everything but dang does it buy some personal and parental satisfaction! I think yesterday's date will go down as one of Em's Big Days in the years to come. Yay!

stay back

photo by Stuart Krempin

Yesterday, Bill almost killed three teenaged boys.

Actually, he was driving down the highway in his International delivery truck and the boy that was driving the half ton behind him almost killed himself and his passengers.

All he did was get up close to the back of Bill's truck, looking for an opening to pass. However, Bill was also looking for an opportunity to pass the vehicle in front of him, and when he glanced into his side mirrors for the second time and didn't see anybody back there, he flipped on his indicator light and started to move into the passing lane.

That's when he saw the half ton truck, who'd started to pull out from behind Bill's truck at the exact same moment. The half ton with the kids was forced onto the shoulder and Bill hit the horn, shaking his fist out the window as he picked up speed and left the kids behind him, shaking at the side of the road.

"Oh my god," I exclaimed as he retold the story. "I would have been freaking out!"

"After they pulled out and I caught sight of them, their faces were all frozen in some kind of horrified scream. We have to make sure that we emphasize to the kids that they ALWAYS keep a safe distance behind big trucks."

I agree. Scary! Here's a good way to know if you're too close to a big truck; if you can't see his side mirrors from your position behind him, then HE can't see you.

Personally, I like to keep six to eight car lengths behind and if I don't have the power to change lanes and overtake him from back there, I need to calm down and wait for a few more minutes.

I tend to have a heavy foot, but carrying a supply of oxygen cylinders has helped me a lot to be patient on the road.

objects of desire

I would like to have my side yard filled with these types of flowering shubs. Next spring baby!
Yanno, snow is forcasted for tomorrow and Saturday in my area. That's crazy!