Friday, September 18, 2009

gifts of a different sort

Other than all the flu like sickness in the house (Jamie, myself & Em) and other various snafus, things have been going okay. Ever since Bill lost his job we've been operating on major survival mode, but we've been pretty lucky. Seemingly blessed with good karma some days.

One such incident happened just recently.

We're currently one payment behind on most things, like the phone, the mortgage and the truck. It's scary, but not repossession-scary as long as we keep the status quo and have the last truck and house payments made on the day before the next one is due. Since I have yet to receive any pay from the off price store and Bill's unemployment benefits have just kicked in, we've been piecing income together from everywhere - Jamie's jobs at Home Depot and the bath product store, mine at the clothing store, gutter jobs and kajiji ads.

Last week as the fifteenth approached, my anxiety over the truck payment started to grow as it usually does three to four days before I have to have it. To make things even more complicated, I'm right in the middle of the countdown to Dale's death on October 2, and I found myself thinking about and talking to him as I hand washed my work clothes.

It doesn't seem like seven years at all. Or does it? I wonder if you come around anymore. Do you see us? Have you moved on? I'm getting better every year, but it's taking me awhile. I had no idea of the toll it would take, and I suppose that's good. I try not to have regrets but in this case the price was pretty high.
I wonder if you ever get jealous, if you feel the possessiveness in death like you did in life. I used to chuckle about it because we both know that while you were here I loved you completely, but I also feel a little guilt that my relationship with Bill brings me so much joy. So much so that he feels like a gift, like maybe you had a hand in it. By the way, if you have any connections, can you help us out a little? I don't need a lot, just a little hope.

Within the hour, I got a call from a lady who wanted the microfibre chair that I had listed on Kajiji (for 34 days, 244 hits) for $270, and she didn't even try to talk me down. I made the truck payment that afternoon.


  1. you remind me that sometimes all we need to do is ask. you remind me of both the permanence and the imperanence of love.

  2. My neighbour and I were talking about how we were quite short of funds one month. I said to her that what I really needed was a thousand dollars to get things under control.
    When I picked up the mail that day there were two life insurance dividend cheques in there that got us out of the hole.
    How lucky we were. I wish you some more of that kind of luck.

  3. Great story. Good reminder that we're all not alone.

  4. Ahhh Kate that is very very mystical and cool. I don't think for a second that there might be something bigger than us at work. You are such good people good things have to come your way soon.

  5. I'm glad you're getting better every year. Great post, Kate!

  6. Excellent post, Kate.

  7. It is nice to have the stress lifted every now and then. Money is so overrated and yet so necessary.

  8. Your much life experience behind those words, but full of hope. One paw in front of the other...

  9. I know people sometimes groan when others say, "This always work themselves out in one way or another" but this entry puts the exclamation in that thought. Glad things worked out with the chair and truck payment and as all things, I have no doubt you'll all get back on track soon enough....this was a good one to share.

  10. That story gave me the chills!!! Thanks for sharing :)