Friday, September 18, 2009
gifts of a different sort
Other than all the flu like sickness in the house (Jamie, myself & Em) and other various snafus, things have been going okay. Ever since Bill lost his job we've been operating on major survival mode, but we've been pretty lucky. Seemingly blessed with good karma some days.
One such incident happened just recently.
We're currently one payment behind on most things, like the phone, the mortgage and the truck. It's scary, but not repossession-scary as long as we keep the status quo and have the last truck and house payments made on the day before the next one is due. Since I have yet to receive any pay from the off price store and Bill's unemployment benefits have just kicked in, we've been piecing income together from everywhere - Jamie's jobs at Home Depot and the bath product store, mine at the clothing store, gutter jobs and kajiji ads.
Last week as the fifteenth approached, my anxiety over the truck payment started to grow as it usually does three to four days before I have to have it. To make things even more complicated, I'm right in the middle of the countdown to Dale's death on October 2, and I found myself thinking about and talking to him as I hand washed my work clothes.
It doesn't seem like seven years at all. Or does it? I wonder if you come around anymore. Do you see us? Have you moved on? I'm getting better every year, but it's taking me awhile. I had no idea of the toll it would take, and I suppose that's good. I try not to have regrets but in this case the price was pretty high.
I wonder if you ever get jealous, if you feel the possessiveness in death like you did in life. I used to chuckle about it because we both know that while you were here I loved you completely, but I also feel a little guilt that my relationship with Bill brings me so much joy. So much so that he feels like a gift, like maybe you had a hand in it. By the way, if you have any connections, can you help us out a little? I don't need a lot, just a little hope.
Within the hour, I got a call from a lady who wanted the microfibre chair that I had listed on Kajiji (for 34 days, 244 hits) for $270, and she didn't even try to talk me down. I made the truck payment that afternoon.