november already?!

photo by Tim Lyons

The house is incredibly quiet right now, and I am enjoying it a lot. Em had a sleepover last night (so she's napping), Jamie stayed out until five or six this morning and is still sleeping, and Bill is out doing a gutter job.

There are so many things that I've been thinking about, and kept hoping that I'd get back to blogging. A month ago, one of my previous managers at the insurance company accepted a promotion in Victoria, BC and moved out there while his family stayed behind to sell the house and settle things here. He was my favourite manager and this promotion will be bring him (at the very least) a $75,000 increase in salary. Incredible! Since I still miss my insurance gig and still wish I had been able to make a go of it, I can't help but wonder if I had stayed, if I had waited to get through this last physical road block - would I have been able to move into management there?

Of course, those what ifs are moot now. I am working five days a week at the big box store and once a week at the clothing store and I'm planning to take a Human Resources course in April. Onward and upward.

I saw an Oprah interview with Patrick Swayze's widow, Lisa Neimi. My heart just broke for her, she's so new! It's only been six weeks since his death and she still refers to him in present tense. I wish I could say I remember those days, but I don't. Back then I was still putting one foot in front of the other and longing for the day I could think of Dale and what we went through, without crying. Well, after seven years I still cry - although now, it's mostly for me and not about the lonliness without him. Fortunately, I have blocked out a lot of the traumatic memories, even though I had to give up the good with the bad.

Financially, my family is still struggling but we're getting by. We've been lucky that we haven't had any utilities shut off, although I'm driving my truck with no insurance and I had to let my life insurance lapse. Jamie will be getting more hours soon and Bill picked up a freelance job to do someone's facia and eavestoughs and that should catch up the one truck payment that we're behind. Unfortunately, he hasn't been able to secure a full time job yet. Soon - I hear things are picking up again.

I just don't know what we'd do without hope.