tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post6307382247401535736..comments2024-01-06T02:01:57.136-07:00Comments on blogging is my only vice: affirmationbecomingkatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01233315426856228689noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post-63370546127854854712009-02-07T08:09:00.000-07:002009-02-07T08:09:00.000-07:00I've seen the same thing a couple of times in my e...I've seen the same thing a couple of times in my extended family lines. My mom took care of her mother's husband when he was dying - for 5 years he did that. The man's own family only visited him once while he was on his death bed, but then showed up after he passed and wanted everything. My mother basically put her life on hold for 5 long years and this man's family comes out of the woodwork to claim everything, when they didn't lift a finger to help him while he was alive? For me - it was sweet justice that he didn't leave his own family a single dime but, instead, left almost everything to my mom.<BR/>I don't know what it is about death and dying that effects people to act the way they do, I've just accepted it as part of the process.BenBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09010864129122224612noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post-29182843133776555282009-01-26T20:52:00.000-07:002009-01-26T20:52:00.000-07:00Dorrie - I think for many people, it's a cop-out. ...Dorrie - I think for many people, it's a cop-out. Peaople might say she's strong, but she needs support from her dad, and sometimes that means acknowledging what she's doing no matter what your own hangups are.<BR/><BR/>Bobby - thank you.<BR/><BR/>paulafrances - she thought I should have forced him into the hospital, where they could treat him. Big time denial on that one...becomingkatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01233315426856228689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post-69520892762692302692009-01-26T17:46:00.000-07:002009-01-26T17:46:00.000-07:00why would you have borught his death prematurely.....why would you have borught his death prematurely....<BR/>????paulafranceshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02190548291049756768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post-57316308296834364882009-01-26T09:38:00.000-07:002009-01-26T09:38:00.000-07:00We have walked many of out loved ones to the gates...We have walked many of out loved ones to the gates of death and for the most part it is as you describe. <BR/><BR/>Not too many thank yous.<BR/><BR/>Look at yourself in the mirror. You can smile because you know you did everything you could. <BR/><BR/>No regrets Kate. <BR/><BR/>Love,<BR/>BobbyFijufichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00626543577510367007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post-45208792916084689362009-01-26T06:15:00.000-07:002009-01-26T06:15:00.000-07:00it seems to be what is called denial. You hear so ...it seems to be what is called denial. You hear so much about it, and it comes in so many forms. Your poor friend... it's so hard to see a loved one suffer, as you well know. {hugs}Dorriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04671755971605295202noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post-67797696028822012292009-01-25T22:11:00.000-07:002009-01-25T22:11:00.000-07:00I can totally relate. I, along with my mom, was m...I can totally relate. I, along with my mom, was my dads caregiver for the better part of his last year of life. I could list a million things I did for my parents but that isn't the point ...it is my sister and brother not acknowledging my part in facilitating my father being able to die at home that had become the issue. I was accused of manipulation and later after my mom died I got more of the same. <BR/><BR/>It used to really be a raw emotion for me. It sat in my throat like a big lump that was hard to swallow. But really ...it has nothing to do with me and more about their pain, guilt and regret. <BR/><BR/>I have great memories of the relationship I had with both my dad and my mom. I was a good daughter ...I was a good friend and even though my mom died suddenly ...no words were ever left unsaid. I have no regrets, or guilt and I no longer carry the pain for those that do.Cathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14272429925885539443noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post-43543812040064037672009-01-25T19:48:00.000-07:002009-01-25T19:48:00.000-07:00Oops! I meant to say that their own fear kept them...Oops! I meant to say that their own fear kept them away from Dale when he needed them most.<BR/><BR/>Mary - sorry to hear about your Uncle. That is sad.<BR/><BR/>Plaridel - I know that one. Thanks for posting it again.becomingkatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01233315426856228689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post-74569352149251732062009-01-25T19:43:00.000-07:002009-01-25T19:43:00.000-07:00jennicki - I suppose. My husband said the same thi...jennicki - I suppose. My husband said the same thing, but when I thought of that, I thought of all the family that couldn't accept that Dale was dying and therefore did not say the words they could have said, even when he was asking for them.<BR/>I know that men are different, but sometimes it can't be all about them.becomingkatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01233315426856228689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post-9247880411685691942009-01-25T18:41:00.000-07:002009-01-25T18:41:00.000-07:00Maybe for her dad, acknowledging his daughter's he...Maybe for her dad, acknowledging his daughter's help is acknowledging aloud that his wife is sick and possibly dying. Maybe he just can't accept that yet.Jennickihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14586652218686179027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post-64395188184371324622009-01-25T17:51:00.000-07:002009-01-25T17:51:00.000-07:00we can't stop death. we'll all die sometime. we ...we can't stop death. we'll all die sometime. we need to learn to let go. here's one of my favorite emily dickinson's poem on the subject:<BR/><BR/>Because I could not stop for Death – <BR/>He kindly stopped for me – <BR/>The Carriage held but just Ourselves – <BR/>And Immortality.<BR/><BR/>We slowly drove – He knew no haste<BR/>And I had put away<BR/>My labor and my leisure too,<BR/>For His Civility – <BR/><BR/>We passed the School, where Children strove<BR/>At Recess – in the Ring – <BR/>We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain – <BR/>We passed the Setting Sun – <BR/><BR/>Or rather – He passed us – <BR/>The Dews drew quivering and chill – <BR/>For only Gossamer, my Gown – <BR/>My Tippet – only Tulle – <BR/><BR/>We paused before a House that seemed<BR/>A Swelling of the Ground – <BR/>The Roof was scarcely visible – <BR/>The Cornice – in the Ground – <BR/><BR/>Since then – 'tis Centuries – and yet<BR/>Feels shorter than the Day<BR/>I first surmised the Horses' Heads <BR/>Were toward Eternity –Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post-30942452032513066622009-01-25T17:50:00.000-07:002009-01-25T17:50:00.000-07:00I had an uncle who completely closed off everyone ...I had an uncle who completely closed off everyone after his wife, my mom's sister, died. She had been sick for a couple of years, and after she died, he made no secret of the fact that he didn't want anything to do with her siblings. Sometimes the pain makes people do things that they think are protective, but which only baffle and hurt their friends and family. So sad. I am glad that your friend is able to see that she's doing a monumental job well, even if her dad never comes around to it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post-15022258807026800022009-01-25T17:27:00.000-07:002009-01-25T17:27:00.000-07:00Hi Xanadu!Based on what she's said, she knows he f...Hi Xanadu!<BR/>Based on what she's said, she knows he feels thankful, but that's not what it's about. It is that something this profound is still NOT ENOUGH to encourage him to let down that guard.<BR/>Thanks for stopping in. Have a good Sunday!becomingkatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01233315426856228689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1426749039913631460.post-2097056454446961182009-01-25T17:04:00.000-07:002009-01-25T17:04:00.000-07:00If she looks into her dad's heart, do you think ma...If she looks into her dad's heart, do you think maybe he feels thankful, but doesn't know how to say/show it? Lots of guys are uncomfortable with things like that. God bless her (and you) for taking care of people in need. (Thank you) Hugs.Xanaduhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08255913296106395464noreply@blogger.com